Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone. I am new to the group and realised at the beginning of the year that my husband is autistic.
We have been married for 7 years now. At the beginning of our relationship, I didn’t see anything wrong, but as the years have progressed I realise now that all the signs were there. His son is autistic and I believe his brother is too.
My husband is loving, kind and demonstrative but life can be very hard. He needs to stick to very strict rules. He lives in constant fear that he is breaking rules, offending someone or letting people down, he thinks the worst is going to happen in every conceivable situation - the dogs will get lost on every walk we take them on or kill a sheep(they have never shown any inclination to do this). I will be killed or burgled if I’m on my own in the house at night etc etc. For every positive situation he has a negative spin on it -“oh you mustn’t do that -such and such could happen”. He doesn’t have a diagnosis and completely refutes that anything is wrong with him but I am reaching the end of my tether!
A lovely walk in the country was spoilt recently. I enjoy admiring gardens and houses in the road we live in but he won’t even slow down to admire a beautiful tree or rose bush as he fears someone may think he’s a burglar sizing up the property if he stops.
I am extremely tolerant -made easier now being on anti depressants but I wonder if this is what my life is now. One filled with the anxiety, stress and fear That my husband projects?
Can anyone offer any help advice or support? Perhaps you are in a similar situation? Many thanks.
married to someone with autism. said:He lives in constant fear that he is breaking rules, offending someone or letting people down, he thinks the worst is going to happen in every conceivable situation
I see myself here too. And the older I get, the more "life" there is that trails out indelibly behind me for my overactive mind to pick over and ask if I on every occasion did the right thing, and if I didn't could anything come back to bite me, and if it did how much could it hurt, and if I could do anything about it now should I, or should I cling to the true statement that 99.999% of the stuff we worry about never happens.........
This might not be strictly part of ASD but it is part of me and entangled in my ASD, and when I was diagnosed my clinician noted that I was describing how huge the effort is for me to stop my mind running this way and simply enjoy life.
I know from my own experience that two things help; 1) Knowing that I have ASD and 2) Cognitive Behavioural Therapy but it has been a long journey and there has been no quick fix.
excellent reply the very last sentence is spot on