Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone. I am new to the group and realised at the beginning of the year that my husband is autistic.
We have been married for 7 years now. At the beginning of our relationship, I didn’t see anything wrong, but as the years have progressed I realise now that all the signs were there. His son is autistic and I believe his brother is too.
My husband is loving, kind and demonstrative but life can be very hard. He needs to stick to very strict rules. He lives in constant fear that he is breaking rules, offending someone or letting people down, he thinks the worst is going to happen in every conceivable situation - the dogs will get lost on every walk we take them on or kill a sheep(they have never shown any inclination to do this). I will be killed or burgled if I’m on my own in the house at night etc etc. For every positive situation he has a negative spin on it -“oh you mustn’t do that -such and such could happen”. He doesn’t have a diagnosis and completely refutes that anything is wrong with him but I am reaching the end of my tether!
A lovely walk in the country was spoilt recently. I enjoy admiring gardens and houses in the road we live in but he won’t even slow down to admire a beautiful tree or rose bush as he fears someone may think he’s a burglar sizing up the property if he stops.
I am extremely tolerant -made easier now being on anti depressants but I wonder if this is what my life is now. One filled with the anxiety, stress and fear That my husband projects?
Can anyone offer any help advice or support? Perhaps you are in a similar situation? Many thanks.
married to someone with autism. said:A lovely walk in the country was spoilt recently. I enjoy admiring gardens and houses in the road we live in but he won’t even slow down to admire a beautiful tree or rose bush as he fears someone may think he’s a burglar sizing up the property if he stops.
I can see myself here. I was diagnosed with ASD recently and can well imaging myself being reluctant to pause, or compromising by standing some distance away, for fear of an interaction with the owners. For me, the anxiety comes from fear of not being able to find the right words under pressure to explain why I was looking over someone's fence & hence sounding awkward and inarticulate plus displaying awkward body language.
As Plastic says, it's easy to be tempted to deploy the "no action = no stress" strategy. I see myself here too.
Also as Original Prankster says, this might not on its own indicate ASD, but neither would it rule it out. My own report mentions my "need for correctness" and I recognize this both in the way that I explain things and in my need to ensure that I always do the right thing (at least if there's a risk that I'll be seen doing it, which risks of course I overestimate wildly) because I'm terrified of being admonished.