Published on 12, July, 2020
Like many other days I feel today I could have done so much more. The only thing of note I did today was make boiled brown rice and cabbage with toasted pecan nuts, served with freshly chopped parsley.
Otherwise I've done nothing memorable today. Didn't have the drive in me to read a book, watch a film, pick up the guitar and learn more - that's it.
Yep, I on the average day do absolutely nothing. Can’t even motivate myself to eat. Even neglecting things I enjoys sometimes due to lack of motivation. It surely does suck.
I've spent long stretches of my life like that, too, including the last few years. What you said about things you enjoy really strikes a chord - people tend to notice very quickly when our autistic traits prevent us from doing "chores", but it rarely occurs to them that our traits can prevent us from doing things we enjoy as well. I couldn't count the number of times I've looked out of the window and thought; "what a nice day to go for a walk round the park", and then realise only after it's gone dark that I haven't even got out of my chair all day.
I know when I’m getting fatigued as this is when I can’t even get motivated to do what I enjoy, and it seems it’s at this moment I get nagged to do things I don’t enjoy, yet they can’t grasp if I can’t even motivate myself to do the things I like there’s no chance in hell im gonna do the things I don’t.