Published on 12, July, 2020
Every now and then I feel the need to talk to someone - and when I say talk I mean online chat mostly - to someone who *understands*.
And I need it when I need it - not hours, days or weeks later. Often, just 5 mins chat would do.
Wouldn't it be nice if there were an online chat service staffed by people who understand autism?
I know I'm asking too much, just wishing.
Isn't that what this place is?
What would you like to talk about JF?
Indeed it is but it's almost never instant (unless you or one or two others are around :-) ).
See it's almost like the moment has already passed, but what I wanted to talk over was in my other post today. Two months after diagnosis, winter approaching (I have SAD too) and I almost feel split into two people - my old self who didn't know he is autistic and the new one who understands, and I'm trying to cut myself some slack. I'm also dealing with an ironic situation at work where I've moved from a very busy office to a tiny one of my own, which sounds wonderful (and often is) but means that what residue of social skills and appetite I had is evaporating, and my self-esteem is suffering (as a result of all of this).
What's JF by the way?
While you still have to work, you still have to play someone else's game. You are forced to wear the mask and modify your natural urges. The difficulty you face is being kind to yourself everywhere else. But life will always find a way to demand things that you don't really want to give of yourself.
Bladerunner quote - JF Sebastian - on his ascension to see God (Tyrell) with Roy Batty, the lift stops and Tyrell asks him what would he like to talk about.