Published on 12, July, 2020
Another contradiction that I'm battling with:
I'm 95% deliriously happy to realise that I've never understood friendship, don't particularly need friends, love solitude & peace & quiet, & I'm relieved that people are leaving me alone, especially at work. But 5% of me feels that I'm now in solitary confinement and that this can't be a good thing in excess - but as soon as I meet someone I wish I hadn't and can feel the exhaustion building.
I was asked in my ADOS if I ever get lonely & I said no, but sometimes I thing that asking me if I ever get lonely is like asking a fish if it ever gets tired wings; the apparatus for processing the question simply isn't there.
I know today more now than ever, we are largely solitary creatures and more than happy in our own company but when the worst happens, as it has for me over the last few days,
we still need that trusted someone to turn to.
Yeah, I'm finding that really difficult as the moment as the only person I'm currently close to is the one causing my problems! There are other people I know wouldn't mind listening, but I've been terrible at keeping contact for a while and feel awkward about recconecting just to unload onto them...