Autism and Religion

I have been going to the same church for 4 1/2 years. I have gone to some of the social activities. I have not made one friend there.

How do I cope? I still go, for the sake of my husband. Inside, I feel bitterness toward these people who won't give me the time of day. Looks to me like church is no different from the rest of the world. They are no more accepting than anyone else. 

Really? Be interested to know which NF Church has autism awareness. Not my experience so far.

Take the Diocese of Oxford's document with you so he has suggestions to hand about how he might do this.

Just an update on this - I was away last weekend (birdwatching and it was brilliant) where I met a Franciscan Monk and I shared my plight with him. He said that under the terms of the Disability Discrimination Act, any church has an obligation to accomodate the needs of people with a registered disability including ASD.

He pointed out that my church would have made adjustments for those in wheelchairs, partially sighted/blind and hearing impairments and he was right - so why not for people with ASD or other conditions like Down's or cerebal palsy. He said to go back and if I could to take a representative with me to the Vicar and/or the PCC and state a case for those with ASD's and point out they are actually in breach of the law if they do not make an effort to make the adjustments necessary to facilitate my (and perhaps other's) needs.

Interesting - am thinking about it!

Scorpion0x17 said:

This is (partly) why I don't like organised religion.

It gives people an excuse - that is to say, they can think to themselves "we go to church every Sunday, and we believe in God, so we're good people" and just carry on being the predudiced uncarring individuals they really are - and that's just completely and quite obviously wrong.

One doesn't need religion to be a good person, one just needs to be a good person.

And being religious doesn't make one a good person, it just makes one a religious person.

LOVE This comment!!!!

Scorpion I agree, in that one of the kindest, nicest people I know would not call herself a Christian, and I do know Christians who are at best "difficult".

There are no easy answers to Muckworm's problem. There are Churches which are very accepting of all-comers, and there are others which function merely as social clubs, and it sounds as though Muckworm has been going to one of these. Have you tried any churches like New Frontiers?

God doesn't give up on us if we don't go to Church, but being with other Christians helps to keep our faith alive and so I hope you won't give up your search.

This is (partly) why I don't like organised religion.

It gives people an excuse - that is to say, they can think to themselves "we go to church every Sunday, and we believe in God, so we're good people" and just carry on being the predudiced uncarring individuals they really are - and that's just completely and quite obviously wrong.

One doesn't need religion to be a good person, one just needs to be a good person.

And being religious doesn't make one a good person, it just makes one a religious person.

Hi there,

I'd like to add my voice to those recommending the Diocese of Oxford's document on this subject. Here's a link to it on their website: http://www.oxford.anglican.org/social-justice/disability/welcoming-those-with-autism-and-asperger-syndrome-in-our-churches-and-communities.html

I think it's definitely worth showing this to your vicar. Clergy should appreciate that their pastoral role involves getting to know more about people's diverse needs and situations.

I hope it all goes well.

Alex R - mod (but not modding right now)

hi - thanks for your comments.

I've actually tried to get involved in small groups and other activities but what happens is the people meet and 'forget' to tell me when and where so I get left out and when that happens once I accept it as genuine but when it happens all the time I know it's deliberate. And when I asked for help once I was told to go and take a pill.

I am probably in the wrong church although I have tried 3 and the same tends to happen. I will probably stop going because at the moment I haven't been for 3 months and nobody has contacted me to see where I am or how I am. I'm coming to the conclusion that the church is like the rest of society - if you aren't what they consider to be normal, you are left out, disregarded and no-one cares.

I had heard that Oxford Diocese had done some work in this area and I will have a look at it. I may link it to my vicar but I don't think he would be interested.

There is a minister in the next town to us who has AS and talks openly about it. There is also a worship leader at another church who has it and he recently organised an information evening for people locally to explain more about it. Sadly most of the people who turned up were either on the spectrum themselves or have family members who are.

The Oxford Diocese has a document called something like "Welcoming people with Autism and Asperger Syndrome into our Churches and communities". I think you can download it from their website.

We had similar problems to Bananas. Our son has left Church. The adults tried really hard to help him. One of them produced a leaflet about AS and did a talk to the youth group, but the young people themselves just left him out and found him difficult to relate to.

I am sorry your Vicar didn't deal with you very well, and that your Church isn't very friendly. Perhaps you could try some other Churches.

whoops posted twice

Sorry to hear things are not working out as you would like to hope.

I too have experienced a similar disappointment  from the church for my 18 year old son. He has attended the same church all his life and the church based youth group assoicated with it since he was 5.

His meltdowns aren't pretty - he lashes out. Whilst some people say they care they really don't understand why he acts like he does. They have stopped him attending the youth group and really aren't demonstrating unconditional love like a true Christian would.

I think the crux  is they really don't understand autism. If when he had meltdowns he just cried in the corner I am sure they would be far more sympathetic.

We also think that there are a lot of people who are in church thinking they are doing the right thing, but when it comes to the hard stuff they shy away.

There are some really kind people in the church, but you have to find the genuine ones. Maybe there are some small group activities you can join in with to get tho know some popel better.

Autism is complex and Joe Public doesn't always get it. It sounds like your vicar is one of those. He certainly lacks tact.