Published on 12, July, 2020
Sometimes I wish, if I was going to have a disability, that I could have one everyone agreed was difficult. With autism, some people act like it's an absolute curse, and others say we need to celebrate neurodiversity and that there's nothing wrong with being autistic and it shouldn't even be thought of as a disability, that sometimes it's even advantageous, and that I'm being a mega drama queen for being upset about it. I mean, I find myself getting really sad and angry with myself for the way I am, but then I hear a lot of people saying there's nothing wrong with being autistic, so I try to be positive, and then just when I'm doing well being positive, I'll hear someone say autism is 'every parent's worst nightmare' or something along those lines. And then I go back to being despairing. I just don't know what to make of it. Does anyone else feel messed with by this?
Very few people understand what goes on in my head to some degree. Only one really understands and nobody really knows. I have told people about my recent diagnosis who have said "don't be silly, you're fine". This is because they do not know what goes on inside and I have done a pretty good job of putting out a confident image. Having said that I wouldn't change who I am. I think I can appreciate the world in a better way and can make a bigger positive difference than most. Therefore there are negatives and positives. Where people talk up the positives, they are simply doing that, because if you align your life in the right way and see things in a positive light, it can all become very positive. At the same time, behind that, those who understand, also understand that it has difficulties. Keep trying to keep positive. It is the answer...