I feel very sad

Hi Roswell,

I’m so sorry you are going through such a tough time, it’s good that you’ve let us know how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts and we hope you’re okay.

If you are unable to cope, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support.

If it’s outside your GP hours call  111 to reach the NHS 111 service:  http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/Emergencyandurgentcareservices/Pages/NHS-111.aspx

The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org.

MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.

If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support.

If you need help with an autism related issue, our helpline can be emailed via webform https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/questions.aspx or they’re open Monday to Thursday 10am-4pm and Friday 9am-3pm on 0808 800 4104.

Best wishes,

Chloe Mod.

Yeah, I like that song. It has this strange carnival drunk thing about it. The few crazy hours on shore. It's fun. I like a lot of the songs on Swordfishtrombones.

I'd imagine you do. All the others were controlled by pad. Those games are different. Have a look on YouTube and you'll see what I mean! I like 2D fighters, Street Fighter is a favourite. I play Injustice 2 a lot at the moment too.

Civ is addictive. The last one I played was on XBox 360. I'd always start with trade, and then end up at war! The Donkey Kongs on the SNES are still classics, so I'd imagine that's good too.

Deepthought said:

Maybe pay more attention to people who bring less or ease pain possibly, and when not possible thank heavens for technological escapism definitely also. :-)

Greetings, I support this part also. Find out what makes Oneself (You) Energized or Happy, and just totally pursue that. ONLY. Sometimes wading through any Unhappiness to get to it is necessary, but it is worth it. Just stay focussed upon Happiness.

P.S. - With regards to Soul Music, I am very old fasioned though, and I can only recommend Aretha Franklin, Eric Clapton, or Steve Winwood, or Stevie Wonder... 

Hi, can i just say ditto, ditto ditto, you sound like you're describing how i have felt for years. It took a near fatal accident to realise how far gone my depression was and to start some kind of recovery. When your eyes are acutely fixed on your self there dosen't seem to be any way out or any point going on, it can be hard to think of a changed future. Fortunately i have been able to speak to various professionals, specialists and now looking at the issues i have been having all my life making sense of it all. I thought i was alone in this problem but now see there are loads of people who feel isolated and too far gone to have their life turned around. Think again, you are not alone, but you do need people who can help you see your issues from a different perspective. To see that many have gone that road and their recovery may shed some light on some of your issues.  Best wishes for you future. 

Stevie Wonder, Ray Charles, Etta James, Otis Redding, Muddy Waters, Elmore James, Howlin' Wolf, Skip James, Stevie Ray Vaughan. I also like appalachian fiddle and bango music, and some bluegrass, which is influenced by blues and folk Irish/Scottish tunes (ballads and jigs).

I've added that song to my phone's playlist, it's nice. 

Think you could be onto something with the brighter sounding melodies advice. Do you have any other suggestions? Or anyone else here have any?

I had a listen to Shore Leave, it's good!

No I haven't played the new Smash Bros. Do you play that on the controller that comes with the console?

The 3 games I have are Civilisation 6 (a quite deep turn-based strategy, I've spent many, many hours on that but getting stuck on the harder difficulties now), Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze (similar to the earlier SNES games but better graphics and music, I'm struggling with the controller however) and Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle which I haven't played yet.

Roswell said:

I'm going to go and listen to some Tom Waits

You may benifit from listening to soul blues artists which typically have more brighter sounding melodies. I suffer from PTSD and depression since a child and use to listen to music with a bleak tone, but now years later realising a lot of that had an unconcious affect on how I viewed my experiences.

Eric Bibb - Don't Let Nobody Drag Your Spirit Down

Roswell said:

I'm going to go and listen to some Tom Waits

Shore Leave always puts a smile on my face. It just sounds like letting loose.

You played the new Smash Bros? I loved Super Smash Bros. Melee. The trippiest fighting game ever, mind you Arm Joe is crazy. Arm Joe is a fighting game based on Les Miserables, yes, it exists, and is actually good!

Roswell said:

Remember, Autism is a spectrum!

Along with everything else harmonically, accordingly and discordingly to various degrees and extents ~ yes of course as a basic principle.

Remember, Autism is a spectrum!

I'm really sorry to hear that you're feeling sad and that the reading group hasn't helped you to form connections with other people. I'm really saddened that other autistic people bullied you at an autistic social group! They really should know better! The people who were running the group should really have nipped that in the bud! 

I don't think that it's your fault that you struggle to connect with people so much, I think people can just be mean sometimes!

Keep talking with people on this forum and I hope that Tom Waits and the Nintendo Switch helped to distract you from your thoughts somewhat?

Roswell said:

I've been to a reading group three times and today was the 3rd time and I spent most the session looking at the floor and imagining in my head shooting myself or hanging myself. I could tell the other people there didn't feel at ease with me, the tension and unease growing with each passing week. Well, I can always go to some other group at this life rooms "recovery college" place, but there is a good chance it will happen again. I tried a college course a year ago and this very same thing happened. Also even an Autistic social group I ended up getting bullied by two or three people there and generally treated in a mean way by the others.

I guess it's the way I come across, or something, that makes people not like me. I can't control it though. 

When we engage in suicidal ideation or fantasies ~ it not only disturbs our mind-body relationship but others also as involving a spatial discordance or dissonance. This can be controlled with practice involving more harmonious states of mind and body that are more practically relevant and comfortable for yourself and others.

Learn maybe in group settings to resist negative ideations ~ and if you have trouble involving positive ideations; go for more neutral ones instead.

Roswell said:

Worryingly I can't even describe why people don't like me. It could be because I have an aristocratic air about me, it could be the sadness in my soul I've felt for years, that they see it etched on my face.

The way we feel, think and behave effects the way people respond or react to us.

Roswell said:

I'm going to go and listen to some Tom Waits and play the Nintendo Switch. Thank heavens for technology. People bring me so much pain. 

Maybe pay more attention to people who bring less or ease pain possibly, and when not possible thank heavens for technological escapism definitely also. :-)