I've been to a reading group three times and today was the 3rd time and I spent most the session looking at the floor and imagining in my head shooting myself or hanging myself. I could tell the other people there didn't feel at ease with me, the tension and unease growing with each passing week. Well, I can always go to some other group at this life rooms "recovery college" place, but there is a good chance it will happen again. I tried a college course a year ago and this very same thing happened. Also even an Autistic social group I ended up getting bullied by two or three people there and generally treated in a mean way by the others.
I guess it's the way I come across, or something, that makes people not like me. I can't control it though.
Worryingly I can't even describe why people don't like me. It could be because I have an aristocratic air about me, it could be the sadness in my soul I've felt for years, that they see it etched on my face.
I'm going to go and listen to some Tom Waits and play the Nintendo Switch. Thank heavens for technology. People bring me so much pain.
