I feel very sad

I've been to a reading group three times and today was the 3rd time and I spent most the session looking at the floor and imagining in my head shooting myself or hanging myself. I could tell the other people there didn't feel at ease with me, the tension and unease growing with each passing week. Well, I can always go to some other group at this life rooms "recovery college" place, but there is a good chance it will happen again. I tried a college course a year ago and this very same thing happened. Also even an Autistic social group I ended up getting bullied by two or three people there and generally treated in a mean way by the others.

I guess it's the way I come across, or something, that makes people not like me. I can't control it though. 

Worryingly I can't even describe why people don't like me. It could be because I have an aristocratic air about me, it could be the sadness in my soul I've felt for years, that they see it etched on my face.

I'm going to go and listen to some Tom Waits and play the Nintendo Switch. Thank heavens for technology. People bring me so much pain. 

Parents
  • Hi, can i just say ditto, ditto ditto, you sound like you're describing how i have felt for years. It took a near fatal accident to realise how far gone my depression was and to start some kind of recovery. When your eyes are acutely fixed on your self there dosen't seem to be any way out or any point going on, it can be hard to think of a changed future. Fortunately i have been able to speak to various professionals, specialists and now looking at the issues i have been having all my life making sense of it all. I thought i was alone in this problem but now see there are loads of people who feel isolated and too far gone to have their life turned around. Think again, you are not alone, but you do need people who can help you see your issues from a different perspective. To see that many have gone that road and their recovery may shed some light on some of your issues.  Best wishes for you future. 

Reply
  • Hi, can i just say ditto, ditto ditto, you sound like you're describing how i have felt for years. It took a near fatal accident to realise how far gone my depression was and to start some kind of recovery. When your eyes are acutely fixed on your self there dosen't seem to be any way out or any point going on, it can be hard to think of a changed future. Fortunately i have been able to speak to various professionals, specialists and now looking at the issues i have been having all my life making sense of it all. I thought i was alone in this problem but now see there are loads of people who feel isolated and too far gone to have their life turned around. Think again, you are not alone, but you do need people who can help you see your issues from a different perspective. To see that many have gone that road and their recovery may shed some light on some of your issues.  Best wishes for you future. 

Children
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