I feel very sad

I've been to a reading group three times and today was the 3rd time and I spent most the session looking at the floor and imagining in my head shooting myself or hanging myself. I could tell the other people there didn't feel at ease with me, the tension and unease growing with each passing week. Well, I can always go to some other group at this life rooms "recovery college" place, but there is a good chance it will happen again. I tried a college course a year ago and this very same thing happened. Also even an Autistic social group I ended up getting bullied by two or three people there and generally treated in a mean way by the others.

I guess it's the way I come across, or something, that makes people not like me. I can't control it though. 

Worryingly I can't even describe why people don't like me. It could be because I have an aristocratic air about me, it could be the sadness in my soul I've felt for years, that they see it etched on my face.

I'm going to go and listen to some Tom Waits and play the Nintendo Switch. Thank heavens for technology. People bring me so much pain. 

Parents
  • I'm going to go and listen to some Tom Waits

    Shore Leave always puts a smile on my face. It just sounds like letting loose.

    You played the new Smash Bros? I loved Super Smash Bros. Melee. The trippiest fighting game ever, mind you Arm Joe is crazy. Arm Joe is a fighting game based on Les Miserables, yes, it exists, and is actually good!

  • I had a listen to Shore Leave, it's good!

    No I haven't played the new Smash Bros. Do you play that on the controller that comes with the console?

    The 3 games I have are Civilisation 6 (a quite deep turn-based strategy, I've spent many, many hours on that but getting stuck on the harder difficulties now), Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze (similar to the earlier SNES games but better graphics and music, I'm struggling with the controller however) and Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle which I haven't played yet.

Reply
  • I had a listen to Shore Leave, it's good!

    No I haven't played the new Smash Bros. Do you play that on the controller that comes with the console?

    The 3 games I have are Civilisation 6 (a quite deep turn-based strategy, I've spent many, many hours on that but getting stuck on the harder difficulties now), Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze (similar to the earlier SNES games but better graphics and music, I'm struggling with the controller however) and Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle which I haven't played yet.

Children
  • Yeah, I like that song. It has this strange carnival drunk thing about it. The few crazy hours on shore. It's fun. I like a lot of the songs on Swordfishtrombones.

    I'd imagine you do. All the others were controlled by pad. Those games are different. Have a look on YouTube and you'll see what I mean! I like 2D fighters, Street Fighter is a favourite. I play Injustice 2 a lot at the moment too.

    Civ is addictive. The last one I played was on XBox 360. I'd always start with trade, and then end up at war! The Donkey Kongs on the SNES are still classics, so I'd imagine that's good too.