Published on 12, July, 2020
I have literally felt exhausted over the last few years due to pressure put on me to conform and "fix" my behavioural aspects that don't conform to those of a NT person. It seems that people either know very little about autism or just don't recognise it within me. Whatever the case, I find that my quirky, somewhat abnormal behavioural traits are not tolerated and are seen as really undesirable, but the worst part is that they're seen to be my own fault.
Everyone, it seems, believes that any slightly aggressive or abrupt utterances from me are due to "unresolved conflict" from the past. I actually have done a lot of work on myself and have had years of therapy, but I think there comes a point where I need to be accepted for who I am. Does anyone else have this problem?
I'm not trying to make excuses. We all need to work at our weaknesses and on improving ourselves, and I have worked hard at mine, but I feel it's hard enough being different and having to manage all my emotions and sensitivities without having people blaming me for them on top of this.
A NT people may need to get out of a crowd due to some traumatic experience they'd had in the past, but when someone with autism needs to get out of a crowd, they just need to get out because they feel crowded in and claustrophobic. An autistic person's need for space isn't to my mind something that needs to be corrected, or even can be, it's just a fact that they will feel that way. I'm sure there are many more examples, but this is the first one that comes to mind. Agreed, we can work on our anxiety perhaps. but I really object to having to conform to the norms of NT people just because they don't understand us.
I think I understand what you mean.
Something that's annoyed me a lot of times is therapists or counselors, and other people too, jumping to wrong and unhelpful conclusions about me based on how I communicate differently.
I don't nod my head much compared to most people, I find it physically exhausting to do. A lot of people nod their heads a lot, it's normal I suppose to very animated when communicating, and I also am quieter than most people, again it seems to take more energy for me to verbalise than other people.
So even if I make eye contact people can get irritated with me because I'm not nodding my head constantly or going "mmm" every second sentence they utter! Which strikes me as very difficult to do anyway because, as it takes so much physical effort for me to do, it's not automatic and requires brain focus too, which then means I am listening less to the conversation.
That's quite funny because I do the opposite. I really overdo all of the head nodding and "umm"ing. I just realised that's what people expect. I also make too much eye contact because I can't regulate it as such...
I think that maybe the problem with therapists is that, again, they often just expect us to be like NT's, so rather than reading things within how they should be read for autistic people, they read them as though we were NT's and the conclusions they draw are invariably wrong! It's really tricky because they're the ones who've trained as therapists, not us.