Saying NO! - help required please

Same problem..., sensory overload, the residual feeling goes on for days.  Cognitive Psychological spacing may help, I always give myself a retreat place I can go if need be . I remember visiting a church once and got a Jesus loves you hug.  That was the worst best hug I got  lol

Oh I don't know -I quite like the idea of this! Only I think it may work better the other way around with the "Asperger's" on the front instead of the back! - Especially as I really can't stand being approached from behind! 

I was very late diagnosed, so most of my life I didn't have an "excuse". I was pushed into the situations that I was wary of or fared badly in, and that's tended to be my approach. I'm not saying its the answer for everyone, my aspergers is mild, but it might still be a useful way of looking at things.

I tend to confront problem situations, often not very successfully. The point I've generally assumed is that exposure makes it easier to cope when situations arise.

Therefore going to noisy environments like a club with loud music and lots of people close together, I feel, has made me less reticent about the sort of sound and movement worlds I find uncomfortable.

I think my life would have been far more restricted if I was always avoiding situations because they are uncomfortable.

I often "research" uncomfortable situations by going into environments where, as a detached observer, I can study what it is I find uncomfortable, and try to find ways of making it easier.

As I say, that's my solution in my circumstances. But I think there is a danger of avoiding too many situations in life because they might be painful.

Maybe the way round cuddling is to take up amateur wrestling, but I haven't tried that as a way out.

I really do have a massive problem with this, even with family. All this hugging and close contact I really cannot handle, and there have been embarrassing moments when I've ruefully offered a handshake in the hope of avoiding something more invasive. They don't understand.

My family know I've got Asperger's. Unfortunately they really don't seem to understand what it involves, and its not about informing them. NT's are not generally aware of social dynamics and day to day gestures, so its not something they ever analyse, its automatic. And you cannot readily explain to strangers.

I just end up doing it out of necessity, despite the discomfort and despite clearly not doing it properly. But I don't know of a way out. Avoiding it is always taken as offence by the other party.

When younger I used to go clubbing regularly. Loud music is uncomnfortable, but it also blanks out all the complexity as one big noise. And the mass of people sort of merges what in less crowded situations would have been very uncomfortable. Mass assault on my brain seems easier than subtle interchange. It maybe why I like brash loud music. I just took time outside or in a quiet corner, at regular intervals.

However people always want to talk. And its hard to stop them doing it. In a noisy environment they do it right in your ear, often giving me a wet ear. It was pointless them trying, I could never make out a word.

I sometimes think about getting t-shirts made up with things like "I have Asperger's: Touch me and I'll cave your face in!" on the front, and "I have Asperger's: Keep a respectful distance and you'll find me pleasant and friendly!" on the back.

And then I think that wouldn't be such a good idea...

PureLight said:

Hi. I am a 36yr old female with AS and like a lot of people on the spectrum I hate being hugged or touched in anyway.

The problem I am having is how to convey this to other people. I don't no why but people just seem to hug me without asking. This can be anyone from relatives to total strangers and now I am angry and confused.

When anyone touches me or gets into my personal space I experience sensory overload and an overhwlming sense of fear.  Unfortunately, because I have difficulty in predicting what the other person will do, they often grab hold of me before I have had chance to stop them 

My gut reaction is to lash out at them as my reflexes are completely hyper but I know that this is not acceptable.  How do I let them know that I don't like to be touched and for those that do it without asking, how can I react to them without being aggressive.  I need to be able to stop them before the event happens but I don;t know how - short of wearing a "do not touch" sign on my head!

I am getting as I don't want to go out alone now for fear of getting into difficulties but staying in alll day makes me angry and frustrated.

Any help would be greatly appreciated as I am just about at the end of my tether

Many thanks

I don't have a diagnosis. But I'm a 29yr old male. If someone invades the space near my head I have a massive sense of fear and turn voilent. Someone got in my face at school, so I put them in a bin once. I am usually very timid, bar a bit of bravado in the workplace (just to set boundaries).

I don't know what you can do, but I understand what your saying and it's a nightmare situation.