• Replies 6 replies
  • Subscribers 79 subscribers
  • Views 1881 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Saying NO! - help required please

PureLight

Hi. I am a 36yr old female with AS and like a lot of people on the spectrum I hate being hugged or touched in anyway.

The problem I am having is how to convey this to other people. I don't no why but people just seem to hug me without asking. This can be anyone from relatives to total strangers and now I am angry and confused.

When anyone touches me or gets into my personal space I experience sensory overload and an overhwlming sense of fear.  Unfortunately, because I have difficulty in predicting what the other person will do, they often grab hold of me before I have had chance to stop them 

My gut reaction is to lash out at them as my reflexes are completely hyper but I know that this is not acceptable.  How do I let them know that I don't like to be touched and for those that do it without asking, how can I react to them without being aggressive.  I need to be able to stop them before the event happens but I don;t know how - short of wearing a "do not touch" sign on my head!

I am getting as I don't want to go out alone now for fear of getting into difficulties but staying in alll day makes me angry and frustrated.

Any help would be greatly appreciated as I am just about at the end of my tether

Many thanks

Parents

  • I really do have a massive problem with this, even with family. All this hugging and close contact I really cannot handle, and there have been embarrassing moments when I've ruefully offered a handshake in the hope of avoiding something more invasive. They don't understand.

    My family know I've got Asperger's. Unfortunately they really don't seem to understand what it involves, and its not about informing them. NT's are not generally aware of social dynamics and day to day gestures, so its not something they ever analyse, its automatic. And you cannot readily explain to strangers.

    I just end up doing it out of necessity, despite the discomfort and despite clearly not doing it properly. But I don't know of a way out. Avoiding it is always taken as offence by the other party.

    When younger I used to go clubbing regularly. Loud music is uncomnfortable, but it also blanks out all the complexity as one big noise. And the mass of people sort of merges what in less crowded situations would have been very uncomfortable. Mass assault on my brain seems easier than subtle interchange. It maybe why I like brash loud music. I just took time outside or in a quiet corner, at regular intervals.

    However people always want to talk. And its hard to stop them doing it. In a noisy environment they do it right in your ear, often giving me a wet ear. It was pointless them trying, I could never make out a word.

Reply

  • I really do have a massive problem with this, even with family. All this hugging and close contact I really cannot handle, and there have been embarrassing moments when I've ruefully offered a handshake in the hope of avoiding something more invasive. They don't understand.

    My family know I've got Asperger's. Unfortunately they really don't seem to understand what it involves, and its not about informing them. NT's are not generally aware of social dynamics and day to day gestures, so its not something they ever analyse, its automatic. And you cannot readily explain to strangers.

    I just end up doing it out of necessity, despite the discomfort and despite clearly not doing it properly. But I don't know of a way out. Avoiding it is always taken as offence by the other party.

    When younger I used to go clubbing regularly. Loud music is uncomnfortable, but it also blanks out all the complexity as one big noise. And the mass of people sort of merges what in less crowded situations would have been very uncomfortable. Mass assault on my brain seems easier than subtle interchange. It maybe why I like brash loud music. I just took time outside or in a quiet corner, at regular intervals.

    However people always want to talk. And its hard to stop them doing it. In a noisy environment they do it right in your ear, often giving me a wet ear. It was pointless them trying, I could never make out a word.

Children
No Data