Feel so lost and out of place

Since I can remember I have felt different. Everyone would be making so much noise and I would look around in silence reading everyone's face and voices. I had no idea what to say so I would often choose to say nothing or say 'yes' which felt easy enough.

As I have got older the symptoms have not gone away. I still find myself staring into space and not sure what to say.

I usually have an anxiety build up before going out and a cool down sensation when I close the door and I am home.

I prefer being alone because I really cant understand anyone. I always end up offending them and wondering what happened. They don't usually seem keen to meet up again. 

I guess it would be nice to have someone to talk to that would not judge me. Someone that got my condition. I feel people just think I am weird. It makes me feel like staying alone than trying again. 

  • Hello, this is basically how I feel most days. If you ever want to talk I would be more than happy to listen as I also feel lonely and would like to talk to people who are similar to me.

  • your situation sounds very similar to lots of people on here, so I am sure there will be lots of sympathetic people

  • Hi Roses, are you new to the forum? If so then welcome.

    I understand how you feel. When I come home it takes me a while to wind down. Some years back I started having high blood pressure and I was fitted with a BP monitor which took readings every couple of hours - it showed very high readings at work, falling shortly after I got home. My blood pressure is usually higher at the doctor's surgery so I had to buy a home BP monitor. It's like a physical manifestation of my anxiety/stress levels.

    I have a partner but he is similar to me and so we have a close connection, however I've always struggled with friendships. I can talk to people I've got to know on a one to one basis ok, but I don't like going out in a group as several different conversations going on becomes uncomfortable, sometimes overwhelming if it gets too noisy. And I have to try to think of appropriate "small talk" subjects, which I find tedious.

    All of my life it's been me trying to keep in contact with people I thought I was close to - family as well as friends. Most of them seemed happy to let me do all the running. I have pretty much stopped seeing people outside of work or home now, it's too stressful.

    I work part time and the people I work with are pretty easy going and have got used to me. They don't pressurise me into going to any social events although sometimes I try to attend, at least for a limited time, if it's a special occasion.

    We understand on here about what it's like to feel judged, so post again whenever you feel the need to chat about anything.

  • Hi everyone, thanks for all the responses, it is a relief  to know I am not going through this alone. I have found making mini note books at home and crafts a relaxing pass time. It seems to help take off the mind from thinking at times when anxiety is high. I hope everyone has a good day. Cant do groups myself and I am too anxious so miss a lot of things. I don’t like groups and noise, so I go out when it’s quite and then don’t really bump into many people. I also FREEZE in public. So I have a worried serious look on my face and I doubt I look very welcoming to anyone who might think of saying hello. Anyone got a pet? I find that helped having a pet to look after and something that didn’t expect me to talk.....