Since I can remember I have felt different. Everyone would be making so much noise and I would look around in silence reading everyone's face and voices. I had no idea what to say so I would often choose to say nothing or say 'yes' which felt easy enough.
As I have got older the symptoms have not gone away. I still find myself staring into space and not sure what to say.
I usually have an anxiety build up before going out and a cool down sensation when I close the door and I am home.
I prefer being alone because I really cant understand anyone. I always end up offending them and wondering what happened. They don't usually seem keen to meet up again.
I guess it would be nice to have someone to talk to that would not judge me. Someone that got my condition. I feel people just think I am weird. It makes me feel like staying alone than trying again.
Hi Roses, are you new to the forum? If so then welcome.
I understand how you feel. When I come home it takes me a while to wind down. Some years back I started having high blood pressure and I was fitted with a BP monitor which took readings every couple of hours - it showed very high readings at work, falling shortly after I got home. My blood pressure is usually higher at the doctor's surgery so I had to buy a home BP monitor. It's like a physical manifestation of my anxiety/stress levels.
I have a partner but he is similar to me and so we have a close connection, however I've always struggled with friendships. I can talk to people I've got to know on a one to one basis ok, but I don't like going out in a group as several different conversations going on becomes uncomfortable, sometimes overwhelming if it gets too noisy. And I have to try to think of appropriate "small talk" subjects, which I find tedious.
All of my life it's been me trying to keep in contact with people I thought I was close to - family as well as friends. Most of them seemed happy to let me do all the running. I have pretty much stopped seeing people outside of work or home now, it's too stressful.
I work part time and the people I work with are pretty easy going and have got used to me. They don't pressurise me into going to any social events although sometimes I try to attend, at least for a limited time, if it's a special occasion.
We understand on here about what it's like to feel judged, so post again whenever you feel the need to chat about anything.
I was about to type the same. I cant wind down as soon as I'm home. Sometimes its 24 hours or so later! I'm not diagnosed though