Why do people think it's OK to be autistic?

Sickle Moon said:

I often feel my strong sense of identity as a female is being stolen from me.

What do you think being a woman means?   Do you have an idealised vision of what you are supposed to be?  What's wrong with your version of woman?

I try to be as feminine as I possibly can, to the point where I'm trying for a baby with guys I meet...I'm not in a relationship but I want to have a child as that would be proof I'm a woman, and no one can take that from me. My own child would love me, too, and of course I'd love my child. I've often felt that people have been trying to steal my gender from me and it just isn't fair.

Are you sure you want all the hassle and stress that comes with having a baby?   It's a lot of work and difficult on your own unless you have the support of family and friends.

also - how can people steal your gender from you?  I know lots of women and some are like cats - don't like getting cold or wet - and some are like dogs - out in all weathers and don't mind getting dirty - I'd never considered them less womanly either way.

Reading this thread has really concerned me! I’m really sorry that no one wanted you to be a little girl when you were young, is sounds as though you’ve had to fight for your femininity for a long time. Being autistic doesn’t make you any less feminine or female though, you can still be as girly as you want to be. I’m also really sorry that you miscarried at 7 weeks, I’ve had 3 miscarriages and I know how rubbish it is when it happens. I am however really worried that you’re letting yourself get used by countless random guys just to try and have a baby. As well as allowing yourself to be completely disrespected you’re also running a very high risk of catching an STD, some of which are not curable and having such a disease would make it a lot more risky to ever have children. Children deserve to know where they have come from so they can have a proper sense of identity, it’s not fair for anyone to know they were the result of a meaningless one night stand, that could potentially cause all manor of emotional problems for them when they were older. Bringing up children is hard work too and it’s a lot harder on your own. I have 3 children, I had my eldest when I was very young and split from her father when she was a baby, he still saw her, he still sees her now but it was me that got ‘left holding the baby’ and it was really really hard work and I still sometimes feel that I failed my daughter because I was so young and inexperienced when I had her. With my younger two, it’s still hard work because children are hard work but it’s a lot easier having a husband to share the load with and I feel it’s a lot more emotionally stable for them too. I really feel that it would be wise for you to see  a counsellor or similar as it sounds like there are a lot of things bothering you and it would be beneficial to talk through these issues with a professional person.

I think there is a lot of hype and idealization around having a baby.  It's what we are 'meant to do' or some rubbish like that.  I tried to have this nonsense brainwashed into me as a girl and young woman, but deep down I knew this wasn't the right thing for me - I was criticized heavily for it, called selfish and was often informed that it was my duty (Margaret Atwood was onto something!).

However, looking back, not having children was one of the best decisions I ever made in life and I now look at people who I grew up with who are supposedly 'living the dream' with the 2.4 children and they look miserable.  You could argue I am not the best placed to cast an opinion on this matter, but before you decide to have children I would first make sure you have a stable environment and support, as raising a kid is no easy task and then I would have a long hard think about whether having a child is to prove something, or because you truly want to experience the joy of raising a child.

Remember no child asks to come into this world, so it is imperative we make it as understanding and supportive for them as possible.

It's something people have been trying to do to me since I was a tiny child. Nobody wanted me to be a little girl, they wanted me to be a little boy. Nobody believes this, or they say they don't believe it, but I've got evidence.

I'm not under any illusion that having a baby will be easy. But it's everything, isn't it? Having your own child. I was pregnant - I posted on here about it - but unfortunately I miscarried at 7 weeks. I've tried to put it out of my mind and just press on, really.

It's something people have been trying to do to me since I was a tiny child. Nobody wanted me to be a little girl, they wanted me to be a little boy. Nobody believes this, or they say they don't believe it, but I've got evidence.

I'm not under any illusion that having a baby will be easy. But it's everything, isn't it? Having your own child. I was pregnant - I posted on here about it - but unfortunately I miscarried at 7 weeks. I've tried to put it out of my mind and just press on, really.

Reading this thread has really concerned me! I’m really sorry that no one wanted you to be a little girl when you were young, is sounds as though you’ve had to fight for your femininity for a long time. Being autistic doesn’t make you any less feminine or female though, you can still be as girly as you want to be. I’m also really sorry that you miscarried at 7 weeks, I’ve had 3 miscarriages and I know how rubbish it is when it happens. I am however really worried that you’re letting yourself get used by countless random guys just to try and have a baby. As well as allowing yourself to be completely disrespected you’re also running a very high risk of catching an STD, some of which are not curable and having such a disease would make it a lot more risky to ever have children. Children deserve to know where they have come from so they can have a proper sense of identity, it’s not fair for anyone to know they were the result of a meaningless one night stand, that could potentially cause all manor of emotional problems for them when they were older. Bringing up children is hard work too and it’s a lot harder on your own. I have 3 children, I had my eldest when I was very young and split from her father when she was a baby, he still saw her, he still sees her now but it was me that got ‘left holding the baby’ and it was really really hard work and I still sometimes feel that I failed my daughter because I was so young and inexperienced when I had her. With my younger two, it’s still hard work because children are hard work but it’s a lot easier having a husband to share the load with and I feel it’s a lot more emotionally stable for them too. I really feel that it would be wise for you to see  a counsellor or similar as it sounds like there are a lot of things bothering you and it would be beneficial to talk through these issues with a professional person.

I think there is a lot of hype and idealization around having a baby.  It's what we are 'meant to do' or some rubbish like that.  I tried to have this nonsense brainwashed into me as a girl and young woman, but deep down I knew this wasn't the right thing for me - I was criticized heavily for it, called selfish and was often informed that it was my duty (Margaret Atwood was onto something!).

However, looking back, not having children was one of the best decisions I ever made in life and I now look at people who I grew up with who are supposedly 'living the dream' with the 2.4 children and they look miserable.  You could argue I am not the best placed to cast an opinion on this matter, but before you decide to have children I would first make sure you have a stable environment and support, as raising a kid is no easy task and then I would have a long hard think about whether having a child is to prove something, or because you truly want to experience the joy of raising a child.

Remember no child asks to come into this world, so it is imperative we make it as understanding and supportive for them as possible.