Published on 12, July, 2020
Before I got my diagnosis, I used to think that I was just a human being who didn't fully understand how to be a human being - because every other human being (aside from my parents) seemed to reject me.
Now, post-diagnosis, I no longer feel that way.
Instead, I feel like an alien, inhabiting the wrong planet.
Whatever I do, I can't change that feeling.
I used to feel that my diagnosis gave me some form of validation. I was a human being with a difference.
Now, I just feel that it consolidates my status as an alien.
I'm on the wrong planet.
I heard it explained this way:
'ASC is not a software glitch, it's a different operating system'
I think of it as a different algorithm.
Just remember that this planet is yours too. You belong right here.
I like the different operating system / algarithm analogy. In the TV series "humans" androids called Synths which looked exactly like humans, but behaved in a more robotic way, had been programmed to be slaves and were being used as housekeepers, nannies etc, but a few became sentient and began living secretly as real humans. Then a human teenage girl hacked into their programming system and made all the other Synths sentient too, and the humans reacted badly as they were scared of them because they no longer had control over them.
Perhaps we're like the sentient Synths, as we behave more according to our nature rather than following human rules. Perhaps some people are a bit scared of us.