Published on 12, July, 2020
Before I got my diagnosis, I used to think that I was just a human being who didn't fully understand how to be a human being - because every other human being (aside from my parents) seemed to reject me.
Now, post-diagnosis, I no longer feel that way.
Instead, I feel like an alien, inhabiting the wrong planet.
Whatever I do, I can't change that feeling.
I used to feel that my diagnosis gave me some form of validation. I was a human being with a difference.
Now, I just feel that it consolidates my status as an alien.
I'm on the wrong planet.
I don't think it's that we're on the wrong planet. If you were alone in a forest you wouldn't be autistic, or different.
I prefer the analogy that we're like cats, trying to pretend to be dogs. We look like other humans, but were essentially different in our nature.
When I was at primary school, one day when observing the behaviour of some other children, who seemed to behave in an insensitive, uncaring way I wondered if they might be robots, not real children. Androids look like humans but are essentially different. The irony is that we are seen as having less empathy.
I always wanted to be an android ;) I used to wonder why other children talked as though they lived in a different dimension from me and think they were purposely lying for baffling reasons. I quite liked the 'wrong planet' thing, I have a friend who says she's a Martian, I know what she means.