Feeling like I'm better off dead

I always find that in dealing with Mental Health professionals, they always raise questions about feeling suicidal in relation to anxiety and depression.

In some ways, I might say that I feel suicidal, but when I really analyse it I don't actually feel suicidal. I just want to get away from everything, from modern life, from people, from the stress and pressure of things. In that regard, what I actually feel like doing is running away from my life, finding a nice secluded place somewhere away from everyone and everything and to just enjoy the peace and quiet of such a life.

I think the feelings of wanting to escape can be conflated with the idea that this is the same thing as wanting to commit suicide. It's an easy and simple thing to do to link these things together because in a way it feels like it makes sense.

Really sorry to hear that you feel this way. As an adult in my 40s with autism (only diagnosed last year), I have felt suicidal at several times in my life. However, for me personally, the diagnosis has done one big thing - it has helped me to accept myself for who I am. Yes I am different from most people I know and I can be weird and awkward - but I am unique and have a special way of seeing the world. I am absolutely sure that most people don't hate you - probably some people that you meet find you interesting, funny, quirky - or whatever. Don't underestimate yourself. You don't have to be the same as everyone else to be likeable! Maybe try and think about things about yourself that you like. Do you have any interests or passions that you could pursue with other people? If you can accept yourself a bit more and give yourself less of a hard time, it might be easier to connect with other people. Some of whom will love spending time with you I'm sure. Good luck. 

Aw that's really lovely that you and your boyfriend are moving in together in a couple of months, it's good that he's supportive. How did you meet?

Hi Moolyhoops,

I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time, but it’s good that you’ve let us know how you feel. It sounds like you have the support of your boyfriend and your move to look forward to which is great.  We hope you're ok, and just wanted to pass on the following information which may be useful to have to hand.

If you are unable to cope it is very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support.

If it’s outside your GP hours call  111 to reach the NHS 111 service:  http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/Emergencyandurgentcareservices/Pages/NHS-111.aspx

Further to Creek's response, The Samaritans, who provide confidential, non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123,  can also be contacted by emal at jo@samaritans.org.

MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.

If you need help with an autism related issue, our helpline can be emailed via webform https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/questions.aspx or they’re open Monday to Thursday 10am-4pm and Friday 9am-3pm on 0808 800 4104.

Kind regards,

Kerri-Mod

That's true the one thing I like is that I have a boyfriend I love and he loves me too. We're moving into our own house in a couple of months and it's really nice and it's in a quiet village which is a bonus. That's going to be my reason for living even if I don't like who I am at least I have someone who loves and supports me even if he doesn't always fully understand me.

Moolyhoops said:

A lot of the time I wish I could be reincarnated as someone without Asperger's.

...Aspergers is not the problem. Autism gives a different perpective upon 'life'. Find something unique about yourself, and that is a reason why you exist. That you exist, means that you have something unique.   The thing to do is to separate yourself from others who do not support whatever unique thing you have, and work upon strengthening that unique thing instead. Do not follow the Crowd if this makes you unhappy... It is perfectly possible to be (seem) alone and yet be happy. 

 A clue to finding out what the "unique thing" I am talking about is... whatever thing that makes you most Happy and/or always serves you True, in life.

I cannot say more, for it is different to everyone... but pursue Truth and Happiness, and ignore everything opposing that. Good Luck.

You would NOT be better off dead! Please if you're thinking of acting on that then google your local mental health crisis team and contact them ASAP! I have Aspergers too and I can relate a lot to what you are saying about struggling with making friends. Is there any one particular incident that has set you off feeling like this?