Medications?

What’s the difference? 

Yeah. I found the hardest part of living my dream life, was figuring out what that actually was! Lol! That took me 6 years to figure out. 

No, I wouldn’t want to win the lottery. I wouldn’t know what I I do with it! It would freak me out. I did it a couple of times, because my dad’s like that, he says he’d like to win the lottery. So I played it a few times in the hope I would win, but for him, not me. 

I don’t want to live full time on one island. I do like island life. I’ve lived in a few, but I prefer to travel. So I’ll live in my van and park it in different country side areas and seasides, because I like the ocean as well. 

I like playing board games as well. Scrabble is my favourite. That’s what we do at my autism group; we sit and play scrabble. I really enjoy it. 

What I didn't explain is that I don't think its sad to take medication, I think it makes me feel sad to have to need medication to  function in this world...

Yes, absolutely, and I did have a period of withdrawal which was worse with the diazepam so I am using as little as possible. It's difficult because I can get withdrawal after one or two does of Lorazepam...thanks for the reply...maybe as you have all said, with the diagnosis things might get easier over time and in the meantime keep on getting through it the way I can. I have had some very good interventions learned from my OT but sometimes I need to add in to that.

What a great idea about the syndicate.

I find it hard to describe how I feel blueRay to say what a bad day is, I have a lot of difficulty trying to explain how I feel, but I get in a mess, then need support to get through it, then I feel bad that I needed support.

Yes, I do have a very black and white autistic brain apparently but I'm not aware of it until someone points it out then I still don't really get it because for me that really is all I can see,there is no more to it and it's unbelievably exhausting trying to look at things a different way, not that I can't maybe, I don't know, just that it's really hard to do.

I think I need to be wealthy to live at peace because you need money to get those things that bring peace for you, for me that is a home in the woods somewhere by a lake. Another issue that might not help is that I'm apparently not good in the 'imagination' of things, my mental health time explained that this is the process involved in planning. That could explain why all my life I've never quite achieved what is I was trying to do because my planning isn't great, but I'm still trying to understand all this.

I left a good skilled job in recent times which I really loved because my sick leave just kept increasing to the point I couldn't take it any more either. I have a physical illness as well as the Autism and that's so much to deal with. I am going to ask on a different thread about how people with Autism cope with physical illness.

Thanks Zomted, I tried 12 mg or it might have been 12.5 if 25 mg is the lowest, that was the dose that kept me in bed for hours and then half of that just me cry all the time. 

I understand what you say about if knowing what is going on with yourself then maybe that can go some way to help manage, I have been having what feels like flash seconds of revelation which does seem to help some ways and I think it is what you are saying about blaming yourself for everything, thank you

What a truly inspiring post BlueRay, thank you...that has really helped as I have been feeling very guilty about wanting to do exactly that, the just closing myself of from everything I feel I need to and taking it from there.

I have had that idea for years of the campervan and are now and have been actually exploring it the past 2 weeks as a reality motivated by the fact I find myself in another failed move of living in a conventional house for the 17th time... I just don't think I can take any more of that...I have been a lover of nature too for years, I used to spend weeks over the summer period walking, climbing and camping in the mountains of Scotland...and loved walking in winter..then I got a physical illness and lost that ability, that was totally devastating for me, now I walk in the woods and still camp too but no climbing. The tent has become too difficult and a friend (my only friend) converted their van a few years ago and since that time I've wanted my own.

Have you read lord Byron's poem Childe Harolds Pilgrimage? Or rather the verse from it 'There is a pleasure in the pathless woods'...I recite that to myself frequently to try to calm me.

Yeah, that's me. When I was little, I made our shed into my little house. I was always doing this, making little homes. So I thought the van idea would be perfect for me, and there are tons of great places to stay, such as on the grounds of Buddhist centres etc. 

I love the idea of the van home, that’s a fab idea. Nature and home are my two favourite things too.

25mg, think that’s the smallest size pill. Yep, for me ven has some side effects but was better than feeling how I was feeling. This all started before diagnosis for me though. Wandering if now I know what’s going on there might be other ways to manage the depression/anxiety as I’m no longer blaming myself for everything like I was before.

Lifestyle change: think it depends for me on coming up with a way to earn a living self employed, while living in the middle of nowhere. No ideas yet but am working on it... 

Yeah, Blueray, I’m with you that you don’t need to be wealthy to be happy, but you do need to eat, have somewhere to live etc. I think my problem at the moment is I can’t quite work out what would be the best lifestyle for me. Definitely improving since diagnosis though. Like you I’m giving myself permission to be me much more, and I’ve taken up meditation which is really really good. I’d recommend that to anyone. I’ve also dropped my hours which really helps and only now do those ‘social’ things I want to. Mainly actually not very social, social things like playing board games!

I do like my job and colleagues though most of the time, when I’m not getting overwhelmed by change, commutes, too many people. I just burn out very easily, though I am managing it better now I know what's going* on. (i can’t help but think floo powder or similar would help a lot though, then I wouldn’t have a nightmare commute and could live somewhere quiet in the country and still do my job! And back in the real world...)

like you the medication is for now. Weirdly as soon as I got my diagnosis I immediately felt so much better about myself that I do wonder if I could reduce it, as the side effects arent great. Not messing for the moment as things are going relatively well at the moment

In a fantasy life though wouldn’t it be nice to win the lottery, buy an island and build a cottage in the woods. Wouldn’t have to be a massive win to do that would it... hey perhaps we should start a syndicate ;o). 

Hi I feel all medications have side effects too and to be weary of taking tablets is completely understandable especially benzos I would suggest steering well away from those as in the  long term they can cause terrible addiction and horrible withdrawal if the Dr decides to take you off them. My advice is to not take any medication and stick to being you. As everyone is unique in their own way and discover new things about your own self that you can really succeed with. It's funny antidepressants only work for some and not for all and there's no need to take something that makes you feel worse. Do things that make you happy it might be difficult at first but stick with it  activities like sport even on your own are really good. Then you'll feel better in no time determination is key to be happy life. Push your self and motivation will follow. 

I made it happen. As soon as I got my diagnosis, my life began to change. I simply stopped communicating with people. Including emails and social media etc. It was amazing. It’s been the best two years of my life. And now, from that, I’m rebuilding my life from the ground up, based around my needs, likes and preferences, and so far so good :) 

I’m only in the early stages, and I’m getting help, including with medication. I’ve asked for Ritalin, as that’s the best thing I’ve found for me just now. And I’ve got support workers.  But I made the decision, that now I know who I am, I will never compromise myself or my needs, ever again. I don’t need to now. My life prior to diagnosis was all about finding out who I was. When I found out, with the diagnosis, it became all about living. And this is the first time I’ve lived as me, so of course I’m going to need help with that. So I became open to help, I took whatever I was given, with gratitude, and finally, after 51 years, I now have all the help I need. 

I don’t see me taking Ritalin long term, I will replace that with meditation and a regular daily routine etc, but Ritalin will help to get me there. I’m taking it baby step by baby step, but since I learned how to take baby steps (that took me over a year to learn), I’m enjoying the journey. I’ve got a destination, but I’ve learned, from my period of self imposed isolation, that if you’re happy today, you’ll be happy tomorrow. So I’m enjoying the journey, with masses of gratitude, for this opportunity to start again, knowing who I am, and I know that if I keep putting one foot in front of the other, one day I’ll get there :) 

It’s not the ‘end goal’ or anything, but one thing I’m working towards is having my own sprinter van or similar, and getting it converted into my very own, luxury, made for me, tiny home on wheels. And I’ll live a lot of my time in that, immersed in nature, my medicine. It will help to get me out in nature, because what I’ve learned these past couple of years. Is that although I love being outdoors, I don’t actually love anything more than just being at home, just me, myself and I! Lol! So I had to find a stress free way of getting me to spend more time outdoors, and I think this will be a perfect fit! 

But really, I’m just enjoying rebuilding my life, baby step by baby step ~ it’s life in the slow slow lane but I like it. It suits me. 

What is a bad day? 

And if you think it’s sad that you need medication, then none of them will work. You could be given the best medication in the world but it wouldn’t work. Your subconscious mind, that believes it’s sad to take medicine, won’t allow it to work because it doesn’t want you to be sad. Why do you think it’s sad? Is it because they’ve never worked or did you think it was sad before you even tried them? 

I think you’re thinking with your autistic brain. Black and white thinking. For example, you think there is only two choices of how to live life. Either to conform or be rich. Why do you think you need to be wealthy to live at peace? 

Thanks zomted, what dose of quetapine do you manage? Had venlefaxine too and that was more vicious than the fluoxetine for me. if you do think of a way to make that lifestyle change happen, let me know and probably everyone else on the forum too. 

Yep, SSRIs andme don’t mix even at low doses. It’s slightly surprising, given that, that the venlefaxine works really! I tend to be really sensitive to drugs of all sorts an£ in fact I’m taking a pretty low dose of venlefaxine (apparently, should t be therapeutic at that dose, but it definatel6 is!). I think I’ve been through pretty much every type of anti D possible to get to this one. Definately not just you.

I take venlefaxine and the smallest possible dose of quetiapine an hour before bedtime. It does seem to work in that the venlefaxine is the best antidepressant I’ve tried - it really works for me but it stopped me sleeping, the quetiapine at bedtime stops that being a problem.

I know what you mean about life. I too feel that if I could live an appropriate (very peaceful, no people!) lifestyle I wouldnt need them. Sigh! I’m trying to think of a way to make that happen without winning the lottery. 

Thanks for that, I had gabapentin years ago but that was for pain and eventually stopped that too because of side effects. I managed a tiny dose of duloxetine but couldn't get up anywhere near the therapeutic dose for depression, is it just me or do others have this difficulty with medications?

I take duloxetine and pregabalin for my depression and anxiety