Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi People
Just going to type and see where things go, have received an ESA form today, have been on ESA support group for just under two years now. Had no idea today was the day but the concern has affected me throughout the whole time tbh, always a cloud thinking “what ifs” or imagined situations or comments.I am diagnosed as Asperger/High functioning autism, with co morbids of Trauma, ADHD, and OCD (stimming). Was late diagnosed so for most of my life had no idea of any of this, aoart from the obvious feeling that things weren’t right in the environments that I was in. Was granted ESA support group after going through the process of advocates and phone calls and good people and not so good people and Drs and Consultants etc etc, which had a big affect on the traits and symptoms associated with this “condition”. Getting to environment where I am away from environments that aren’t good for me has meant that I have learned and grown so much and for the first time put together some kind of identity and perspective, though day to day things aren’t “better”, I have to time and space to deal with them.Had heard something about the idea that if a condition is a “lifelong” condition, that there should be less of an assessment process due to the knock on effects, until this is sorted it will now have a big impact on state of mind and thinking, and would be good to avoid that as much as possible, things haven’t changed it’s just the fact that I have my own space to shape my day. Another concern as stupid as it may sound is the idea of “forgetting” how things are because I’m not in a situation right now that exacerbated them (though going through this will actually bring a lot of them to the forefront). Is this idea something worth looking into, as there should be enough information on the form (and some people to provide evidence) to say that this is a condition that won’t change and there isn’t any good reason to add pressures??The esa form I filled in a few years ago I made a duplicate copy of, so the information is still right there, though have never looked at it since. Would copying that onto the new form be a good idea, or would it be better to think from a fresh mind? This was a form that got the result it was supposed to (support group) so as someone said to me today it would take a valid reason to change that sitatuion tbh?The concern as it has been throughout these days and months, has been the fact that there are good people who have understanding, and ones who just don’t or see it as a stereotype. Can only speak for myself but things can be less apparent than is always shown I guess, so holding a conversation doesn’t necessarily show the burnout or fatigue after, or being in a bad environment doesn’t always show the meltdown or the withdrawal that comes with it. It was only getting away from those situations that I realised how depressed and closed in my mind had been for my entire life until this point, I knew no different so just went along with what everyone around me was doing. The term is known as “masking”, which then has a big effect on the other side of things.Any thoughts or information would be really appreciated, haven’t stopped today since getting this letter, so the comedown soon is going to be big and filled with dark or uncomfortable thoughts, anything said from experience is valued. Thank you
Yeah, I’d go with the old form as well, like NAS39248 said.
I think what I’m hearing you say, which I can relate to, is that some of the ‘symptoms’ (for want of a better word) may appear to have improved, because of a change in environment. However, if you’re like me, I’m still very much in a transition stage as my new found awareness isn’t yet fully established in me so the slightest thing can put me back to where I was before.
Go with that old form and if anything, beef it up. I’m rubbish at the assessments, as I’m too honest and take things too literally so the guy who helped me said you have to fill it in as if this was your worst day ever.
Good luck. I know what it’s like. My life kind of goes on hold till I’ve got these things sorted out. I’m just waiting the outcome of my esa face to face assessment. Fingers crossed for both of us, but I would definitely go with the old form because like you said, it’s a life long condition and that one worked last time. And if you could get a psychiatrist or doctor to put that in writing, about it being a lifelong condition, it might help, but not necessarily because even though it’s a life long condition it might not always effect us in the same way.
Thanks for your thoughts
The part about things being environmentally dependant is exactly right, right now thing are on my terms as such which means then I have been able to grow and form an I’d etity in a lot of ways. Don’t get it wrong, there are still issues day to day, but to go into other environments as before would be to set fire to everything I have built mentally,