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Social Skills - What do you think?

Deleted user
over 5 years ago

Can you truly learn social skills? This is something I've been wondering about since getting diagnosed. 

My social skills aren't brilliant. I don't do well working in groups and I find social occasions difficult a lot of the time. I must have them to some degree as I manage at work (there have been issues but not regularly) and I do have a small group of friends who although not close, have not completely disowned me yet.

One thing my assessor said was that I don't really do 2 way conversation. He then added you probably know the rules but it is not something that comes naturally to you. So does this mean I can do it but I choose not to? Or I know how to do it but simply can't put it into practice?

I know there are people that have said they have used self help books with success but what I wonder is using these like acting/masking. You can put on a front and manage a successful social interaction or can you truly learn how to socialise better and it become an innate behaviour.

Apart from it causing me anxiety, my general issues with social interaction tend to be:

  • I either interrupt conversation and annoy people or can't find a way of entering the conversation (I also get very impatient if I have something to say and can't straight away)
  • I misinterpret jokes and give a straight answer or overreact or I attempt to joke and am misinterpreted
  • I find it very frustrating if others keep making small talk throughout an activity, like continually stopping in the middle of a game or talking over a film
  • I get bored very easily and so can struggle with typical adult social time e.g. just sitting round talking and tend to start annoying people
  • I will talk at length about something I want to talk about even if the other people aren't interested, I find it really difficult to stop even if I am aware the other person is getting fed up

Sorry for this being a long waffly post but it's been on my mind for a while. What I'm wondering is, do I just need to accept this is how I am? Or can I actually learn to manage better?

Parents
  • over 5 years ago

    Thanks everyone for replies. There's too many different threads in this conversation to try and reply to each separately now. I love how at least one of the threads has gone off on a little tangent.

    You've all given me a useful answer with your own little take on the situation and I love this. I can now put your different answers together to do the right thing for me. 

    At some point when I have enough confidence. I would like to put this question to my NT friends. As I'm genuinely intrigued what their answers would be.

    I've come to the conclusion that it's got to be a bit of give and take. Sometimes I need to put a bit of effort in and sometimes people are just gonna have to put up with me being me.

    Martian Tom: You said something that particularly interested me about 99% of people doing something a certain way and you being the 1% doing it a different way. I heard a story once, it was American but it always stuck with me for some reason and you made me think of it.

    Someone asks their mum why she cuts off the end of the meat loaf and her mum says because that's how my mum used to do it. So she asks her grandma and her grandma says because that's how my mum used to do it. So she asks her great grandma and she says because the pan was too small.

    Just because 99% of people do something a certain way doesn't mean there is any logic to it and sometimes we need that 1% to say hang on there is a much better way. I'm also a firm believer that different methods work for different people and that's ok too.

    Ended with my own little tangent then but thanks again for everyone's input.

Reply
  • over 5 years ago

    Thanks everyone for replies. There's too many different threads in this conversation to try and reply to each separately now. I love how at least one of the threads has gone off on a little tangent.

    You've all given me a useful answer with your own little take on the situation and I love this. I can now put your different answers together to do the right thing for me. 

    At some point when I have enough confidence. I would like to put this question to my NT friends. As I'm genuinely intrigued what their answers would be.

    I've come to the conclusion that it's got to be a bit of give and take. Sometimes I need to put a bit of effort in and sometimes people are just gonna have to put up with me being me.

    Martian Tom: You said something that particularly interested me about 99% of people doing something a certain way and you being the 1% doing it a different way. I heard a story once, it was American but it always stuck with me for some reason and you made me think of it.

    Someone asks their mum why she cuts off the end of the meat loaf and her mum says because that's how my mum used to do it. So she asks her grandma and her grandma says because that's how my mum used to do it. So she asks her great grandma and she says because the pan was too small.

    Just because 99% of people do something a certain way doesn't mean there is any logic to it and sometimes we need that 1% to say hang on there is a much better way. I'm also a firm believer that different methods work for different people and that's ok too.

    Ended with my own little tangent then but thanks again for everyone's input.

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