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Social Skills - What do you think?

Deleted user
over 5 years ago

Can you truly learn social skills? This is something I've been wondering about since getting diagnosed. 

My social skills aren't brilliant. I don't do well working in groups and I find social occasions difficult a lot of the time. I must have them to some degree as I manage at work (there have been issues but not regularly) and I do have a small group of friends who although not close, have not completely disowned me yet.

One thing my assessor said was that I don't really do 2 way conversation. He then added you probably know the rules but it is not something that comes naturally to you. So does this mean I can do it but I choose not to? Or I know how to do it but simply can't put it into practice?

I know there are people that have said they have used self help books with success but what I wonder is using these like acting/masking. You can put on a front and manage a successful social interaction or can you truly learn how to socialise better and it become an innate behaviour.

Apart from it causing me anxiety, my general issues with social interaction tend to be:

  • I either interrupt conversation and annoy people or can't find a way of entering the conversation (I also get very impatient if I have something to say and can't straight away)
  • I misinterpret jokes and give a straight answer or overreact or I attempt to joke and am misinterpreted
  • I find it very frustrating if others keep making small talk throughout an activity, like continually stopping in the middle of a game or talking over a film
  • I get bored very easily and so can struggle with typical adult social time e.g. just sitting round talking and tend to start annoying people
  • I will talk at length about something I want to talk about even if the other people aren't interested, I find it really difficult to stop even if I am aware the other person is getting fed up

Sorry for this being a long waffly post but it's been on my mind for a while. What I'm wondering is, do I just need to accept this is how I am? Or can I actually learn to manage better?

Parents
  • over 5 years ago

    I prefer to just think about it this way. Starting Point: I'm different. Therefore, my social skills will be different. It's not that I'm necessarily lacking social skills, I just have a different set of social skills and how I go about using them. Sure, I can try to make a bit of effort to bridge the gap with other people who have a different set of social skills to me, but if they're not willing to put in any effort in bridging the gap then I'm not particularly bothered. Instead of telling me how I should talk, communicate or behave, accept the way I do talk, communicate and behave, which will likely lead to some progress. As far as I'm concerned I manage just fine so anybody that tells me differently must be the one with the problem.

    I don't care if people want to make comments that I'm doing something wrong, because for me it's the right thing to do. Therefore, I'm not the one doing anything wrong, I'm just doing it differently.

    I suppose it's like the idea of computers running different operating systems and software. In order to interface there needs to be something to bridge that gap so that communication between the different operating systems and software can take place.

Reply
  • over 5 years ago

    I prefer to just think about it this way. Starting Point: I'm different. Therefore, my social skills will be different. It's not that I'm necessarily lacking social skills, I just have a different set of social skills and how I go about using them. Sure, I can try to make a bit of effort to bridge the gap with other people who have a different set of social skills to me, but if they're not willing to put in any effort in bridging the gap then I'm not particularly bothered. Instead of telling me how I should talk, communicate or behave, accept the way I do talk, communicate and behave, which will likely lead to some progress. As far as I'm concerned I manage just fine so anybody that tells me differently must be the one with the problem.

    I don't care if people want to make comments that I'm doing something wrong, because for me it's the right thing to do. Therefore, I'm not the one doing anything wrong, I'm just doing it differently.

    I suppose it's like the idea of computers running different operating systems and software. In order to interface there needs to be something to bridge that gap so that communication between the different operating systems and software can take place.

Children