Feeling misunderstood

So in the aftermath of my appointment with the GP, where I thought the GP did understand me would refer me for an autistic diagnosis as because she said she would find a centre as the one she was aware of only did diagnosis for 25 or under, and to check in with reception in two weeks.

Just as two weeks were up, I got a referral for “Healthy minds” Centre for anxiety and depression. Now she may have done both and gotta force myself to call up the GP’s to find out. As someone suggested on here I try to find an adult diagnosis centre myself then ask the GP to refer me there the thing is I don’t really have the confidence to do that, and I know it’s a long winded process through the NHS, so was thinking I might as well get a diagnosis done privately but get help also for the depression and anxiety.

A diagnosis for me is about self-acceptance on the whole more than anything else you see so private and NHS doesn’t matter

Sometimes I think am not autistic and it is just anxiety and depression, but then too many things don’t add up. I few weeks ago when I started this journey after self-diagnosis I started listening to every lecture and read every article and talk about autism in females I could find, I was obsessing about but then after my GP appointment, I just stopped obsessing about it mainly because of Christmas and new year and my husband being off work I couldn’t multi-task I was just busy doing the stuff for him, but now its getting to my mind again but then trying to listening to a talk now causes me anxiety so i turn it off.

At the moment I can hardly physically or mentally function, but at the same time cannot relax  I feel constantly in the fight/flight mode and I feel so lost. I do the stuff that needs to be done but more like in zombie mode and actually being mentally their if that make sense. before when I would take work breaks I would be fine within a few days after a meltdown but this time its been two months, an am having more low days then high days,

 I struggled with stuff in the past social interaction etc but I managed to somehow observe, learn and make formulas or rules in my head to deal with it and then was just doing it subconsciously but in this last year it just all sort of disappeared., I feel as if I have forgotten everything, it is just difficult to explain to people or family why I can no longer function, I cannot explain it to myself, I wanna to snap out of this but I can’t, I get excited when I get alittle bit of peace, then it is back to square one.