Published on 12, July, 2020
So in the aftermath of my appointment with the GP, where I thought the GP did understand me would refer me for an autistic diagnosis as because she said she would find a centre as the one she was aware of only did diagnosis for 25 or under, and to check in with reception in two weeks.
Just as two weeks were up, I got a referral for “Healthy minds” Centre for anxiety and depression. Now she may have done both and gotta force myself to call up the GP’s to find out. As someone suggested on here I try to find an adult diagnosis centre myself then ask the GP to refer me there the thing is I don’t really have the confidence to do that, and I know it’s a long winded process through the NHS, so was thinking I might as well get a diagnosis done privately but get help also for the depression and anxiety.
A diagnosis for me is about self-acceptance on the whole more than anything else you see so private and NHS doesn’t matter
Sometimes I think am not autistic and it is just anxiety and depression, but then too many things don’t add up. I few weeks ago when I started this journey after self-diagnosis I started listening to every lecture and read every article and talk about autism in females I could find, I was obsessing about but then after my GP appointment, I just stopped obsessing about it mainly because of Christmas and new year and my husband being off work I couldn’t multi-task I was just busy doing the stuff for him, but now its getting to my mind again but then trying to listening to a talk now causes me anxiety so i turn it off.
At the moment I can hardly physically or mentally function, but at the same time cannot relax I feel constantly in the fight/flight mode and I feel so lost. I do the stuff that needs to be done but more like in zombie mode and actually being mentally their if that make sense. before when I would take work breaks I would be fine within a few days after a meltdown but this time its been two months, an am having more low days then high days,
I struggled with stuff in the past social interaction etc but I managed to somehow observe, learn and make formulas or rules in my head to deal with it and then was just doing it subconsciously but in this last year it just all sort of disappeared., I feel as if I have forgotten everything, it is just difficult to explain to people or family why I can no longer function, I cannot explain it to myself, I wanna to snap out of this but I can’t, I get excited when I get alittle bit of peace, then it is back to square one.
What you describe sounds very familiar to me. Many of us reach some kind of crisis which results in us seeking autism assessment. As you say your GP may well have referred you both for ASD assessment and for some help with the anxiety and depression. Because there tends to be quite a long wait for autism assessment it is often the case that people access mental health services while they are waiting.
In my case I decided to get a private autism assessment, but one which was done by experienced NHS psychologists, using the relevant tests and guidelines. I got my diagnosis within 3 months and began to feel better, although the stress symptoms and exhaustion are taking a long time to disappear. I was at burn out stage by the time Imgot assessed (this is quite common due to the pressure of trying to camouflage and fit in).
I have found a very good women's support group - it really does help to met other people who experience the same kind of things. Even before you get diagnosed you may find living your life in a more autism friendly way really helps you. In my case having some quiet time every day completely on my own, limiting social activity, and getting more sleep has made me feel much calmer and happier.
When we get stressed as autistic people sensory and other pressures can easily overhelm us so our coping mechanisms don't work. This makes it feel like we are losing skills or becoming more autistic. It was explained to me that once our energy levels get to empty it takes us much longer to recharge. This might explain effect you are getting where things seem to get a little bit better, before getting worse again.
Other people who have recovered from burnout have said it can take many months of rest before they have felt able to resume daily activities at anything like the previous level. It is important to be as kind and gentle to yourself as possible. When I was struggling I got my husband to make some phone calls about my autism assessment for me. This helped to keep everything moving forwards when I was starting to give up.
I really hope you manage to get the information you need. I phoned the NAS helpline a couple of times while I was waiting for my autism assessment and they were very helpful. I also had a couple of relaxation sessions with a massage therapist which calmed me down a lot.
Good luck with everything - people in this community are very helpful and supportive so keep posting any questions that you have. It is also a good place to share your feelings - others here often understand things in a way that non-autistic people cannot.
I am headed for the private diagnosis most definitely as well, I guess I am at the burn out stage actually I think I was but then continued to push myself and I shouldn’t have.
I always been hard on myself, I think am trying to push myself out of this and since I can’t is what’s getting to me, although I have subconsciously being avoiding having to leave the house, and I do tend give myself time out now.
I need to still sort routines out, I think it probably the biggest think I am missing, cuz I moved out of one rented property to another and I don’t think I have really settled in this one.
I haven’t been here long but yh I love this community I feel at home, because when I read the post, they make sense and I can relate to them and I feel I am not alone, l can explain myself and it is understood without my explanations needing explanations.
Thanks yh taking time out,
Be as kind and patient with yourself as you can. It is going to take some time to regain your former energy levels.
It is wonderful that you have taken the first steps towards getting a diagnosis. The assessment process can be exhausting as it requires a lot of cognitive and emotional effort.
Make sure you plan plenty of opportunities to get some quiet time and rest.