Finding employment

Are you on any benefits from the job centre? I’m only asking because the job centre can provide some support for people who are considering getting a job, but more importantly they can refer you to Reed or Autism Plus or similar organisation who help people who are thinking about going back to work, they can help at the interview stage and other stages and also for a period of time after you start work. 

What do you enjoy doing? Knowing this can give you some idea of what type of jobs you will be looking for or do you already know what type of jobs are suited to you, your skills, your preferences etc? 

Getting a job won’t suddenly equip your husband and family with skills that they would need in order to be able to support you and you getting a job won’t suddenly give them the skills to recognise that you need support. If you’re going to be relying on support from your family, you need to be very clear about what help you will or do actually need and discuss is with them to find out if they’re in a position to provide that support. We can’t alwats give our loved ones what they need no matter how much we might want to or how much we try. 

I think you should take this one step at a time. You have been out of the job market for quite some time, which in itself will create a certain level of anxiety in you so it’s important you take this one step at a time. 

What is CFS, by the way? 

Are you considering full time work or part time work? Do you want regular office hours, e.g. 9 to 5 hours? Do you want manual work where you can use your hands and be physically active? What level of pay are you looking for? How many holidays (days away from work) are you looking for? Have you got any particular skills or interests that you would like to use as a way of creating income? 

Don’t jump too far ahead in your mind. That will simply lead to increased levels of anxiety. Just take things one step at a time. Get the help you need at each step of the way and that way, things will work out for you. 

I would also question some of your beliefs as well. For example, you say you haven’t ‘worked’ for 14 years but you also indicate that you may have had children??? Did you help to raise them? Run a household? I know most people don’t think of raising children and running a home as being a job or working, but it doesn’t mean they’re right. Raising children is one of the most important jobs we can do and requires many many skills that are absolutely transferable to other jobs, if they are picked out and recognised. 

Your husband’s advice sounds sensible - are you saying you disagree with him? Do you think you would be better off going further afield and challenging yourself by trying something completely new? You say you need a lot of support, can you clarify exactly what support you need. It’s much easier to get what we need when we know what we need. Figuring out what we need is usually the most difficult part. 

It’s still early days in terms of getting your autism diagnosis as well so although there might be an increased need for more money coming into the house, please be kind to yourself. You say you feel bad for having needs and that could be because you need some time to adjust to the diagnosis and to accept that you will need some support. Did you feel like you were getting in peoples way before you got the diagnosis? And do you get in their way or do you just think you do because you feel bad because you’ve got needs that require support from others? It sounds to me like you’ve got a lot to offer, that you have many skills that could be used in employment. If you’re not signed up to the job centre, there are other agencies out there that can provide support. 

Are you on any benefits from the job centre? I’m only asking because the job centre can provide some support for people who are considering getting a job, but more importantly they can refer you to Reed or Autism Plus or similar organisation who help people who are thinking about going back to work, they can help at the interview stage and other stages and also for a period of time after you start work. 

What do you enjoy doing? Knowing this can give you some idea of what type of jobs you will be looking for or do you already know what type of jobs are suited to you, your skills, your preferences etc? 

Getting a job won’t suddenly equip your husband and family with skills that they would need in order to be able to support you and you getting a job won’t suddenly give them the skills to recognise that you need support. If you’re going to be relying on support from your family, you need to be very clear about what help you will or do actually need and discuss is with them to find out if they’re in a position to provide that support. We can’t alwats give our loved ones what they need no matter how much we might want to or how much we try. 

I think you should take this one step at a time. You have been out of the job market for quite some time, which in itself will create a certain level of anxiety in you so it’s important you take this one step at a time. 

What is CFS, by the way? 

Are you considering full time work or part time work? Do you want regular office hours, e.g. 9 to 5 hours? Do you want manual work where you can use your hands and be physically active? What level of pay are you looking for? How many holidays (days away from work) are you looking for? Have you got any particular skills or interests that you would like to use as a way of creating income? 

Don’t jump too far ahead in your mind. That will simply lead to increased levels of anxiety. Just take things one step at a time. Get the help you need at each step of the way and that way, things will work out for you. 

I would also question some of your beliefs as well. For example, you say you haven’t ‘worked’ for 14 years but you also indicate that you may have had children??? Did you help to raise them? Run a household? I know most people don’t think of raising children and running a home as being a job or working, but it doesn’t mean they’re right. Raising children is one of the most important jobs we can do and requires many many skills that are absolutely transferable to other jobs, if they are picked out and recognised. 

Your husband’s advice sounds sensible - are you saying you disagree with him? Do you think you would be better off going further afield and challenging yourself by trying something completely new? You say you need a lot of support, can you clarify exactly what support you need. It’s much easier to get what we need when we know what we need. Figuring out what we need is usually the most difficult part. 

It’s still early days in terms of getting your autism diagnosis as well so although there might be an increased need for more money coming into the house, please be kind to yourself. You say you feel bad for having needs and that could be because you need some time to adjust to the diagnosis and to accept that you will need some support. Did you feel like you were getting in peoples way before you got the diagnosis? And do you get in their way or do you just think you do because you feel bad because you’ve got needs that require support from others? It sounds to me like you’ve got a lot to offer, that you have many skills that could be used in employment. If you’re not signed up to the job centre, there are other agencies out there that can provide support. 

I have 3 sons, all are now at school. And yes, parenthood brings loads of work transferable skills.

I want to work part-time and I am restricted in hours too as we have no reliable or affordable access to childcare (at least not unless I bring in enough to cover some.). So depending on work location, would be able to work 9am-3pm ish.

I have a diploma in admin which I know is a job I can do and I enjoy it under the right circumstances.

I am not on any benefits at all. Husband earns too much to qualify for anything.

It's the way my husband doesn't see why he should give me the support I specifically ask for...such as sitting down with me for half an hour so we can research places that may be able to support me. Or even look through job ads so I can discuss them with him or he can help me read job descriptions and interpret what they mean...as sometimes I find the wording a bit confusing.

I basically want to be supported by the person closest to me, as I imagine most spouses would. Him telling me it doesn't matter what the job is, as long as I can do the work, isn't helpful...because he doesn't include taking the long term into account. So he'll suggest I "just go and work as a shelf stacker in a supermarket". I could do the job theoretically, yes...but he knows full well that supermarkets are an overwhelming experience for me with the lighting and noise and visual stimulus...so it would not be a realistic solution to work in one.

I do appreciate your response, it has given me some things to think over. I am obviously a bit anxious about returning to the workplace, but it's not the anxiety that is my main "block" at the moment.