Published on 12, July, 2020
The amazing expert at my PIP assessment stated that as I was diagnosed at 46, I can't be that bad because I held jobs, had a mortgage, etc, and the condition doesn't change or get worse. I have had the same conversation with my partner recently about this, and am interested in opinions.
The way I described it to her was - when you are younger, you can party all night & work all day - for me there was no partying because I was up a 4am so I could be focused by 9am, then shutdown when I got home. However, as you age, the partying gets harder to do, and recovering from one eventually takes a day or two! So, for me, rather than the condition getting worse, it's the affects of it that are harder to deal with and recover from.
What are other peoples experiences with this? I can't find much about it online!
Since I was only diagnosed last year in my fifties, I can only in retrospect analyse whether my autistic traits have improved or worsened over time, but at least for me the answer is both.
I am certainly less resilient of the the stress caused by other people's irrationality than I used to be, however I have become much better at reading & anticipating their behaviour, so can better avoid situations that in the past would have been very problematic.
I have come to the conclusion that dealing with other people in social situations is really just a problem in pattern matching. Many easily noticeable behavioural patterns seem common to most people, whilst others are unique to each individual & must be learned through careful observation. Once enough data is obtained though, it is usually possible to spot early warning signs of negative situations, sometimes before the other person is even aware of them. I don't even consciously look for signals, some constantly running process scans for possible signs of danger in the background & then raises an alarm with a short diagnostic report when it finds something.
The flip side is of course that I over analyse everything to the point of even experiencing mild dissociation, where I feel like I am externally observing & controlling my own behaviour. Also, since this system is derived from the hypervigilence I developed after years of bullying at school, it only seems to work for negative signals. I still find it hard to tell if I have handled a given situation well & especially whether people 'like me', as opposed to not actively disliking me.
So in some ways it is worse & in other ways better. I do feel like I am becoming increasingly cynical as I get older though, which isn't really a good thing.