Published on 12, July, 2020
I've been referred for an assessment by my GP and haven't told anyone else. I'm in my thirties and have been married for nearly a decade.
Last month I saw a post on social media about female autistic traits and surprisingly, I could relate to every one of them. I started researching and spoke to someone at NAS and took the AQ test they advised. I scored 37. It was like a slow dawning, where all my sensory quirks and social anxieties and list-making connected into something larger. Before that, I wouldn't have believed I was autistic. Last week I realised that some of my behaviours could be labelled as stimming - (I've always had these but previously thought were part of my overall 'weirdness').
I haven't told my husband. I think that if I said I might be autistic, he wouldn't believe me (I struggled to believe it at first). He's not unkind or cruel.
I'm worried about telling him, in case I am assessed and I don't get an autism diagnosis. Then, I'd have to accept that I am just weird and I'd feel embarrassed at exposing a part of me that I've worked my whole life to keep hidden.
I'm assuming they'll want to speak to him at the assessment, so I've got to tell him at some point.
Any advice on how to tell a partner or family member about a referral?
What difference will a diagnosis mean to you? You will be exactly the same person except for a single phrase labelling you.
If you've been married for all that time, then he's supportive of your quirks so it shouldn't really make any difference.
There could be a self-image problem if you consider a possible diagnosis as labelling you as 'faulty'. This can be a big problem, often leading to depression.
If you're self-aware enough to be self-diagnosing, then you can measure yourself and your needs and try to put things in place that reduce your stress and make your world fit better around yourself.
If you can make the world fit you, then there's nothing keep hidden.
From a friends and family perspective, those who matter won't care and those who care don't matter.
I'm not sure. Perhaps in terms of the mental health support I'm offered? Previously I've had suicide attempts and been on and off antidepressants and talking therapies which haven't made a lot of difference. There are local groups but they are only for diagnosed adults.
It would also help with reasonable adjustments at work - having precise instructions, preparation time. And might give me confidence to work somewhere else, where my husband isn't my boss and doesn't make various adjustments due to his kindness and our relationship.
I also take a lot of unofficial 'sick days' where I'm not actually ill but just recovering from a big meeting, or even a conversation (or the preparation for a conversation where I've been up until 4am rehearsing what I'm going to say and the various responses). I'm not sure if having a diagnosis would help with that, specifically.
I'd actually feel less 'faulty' with the diagnosis, as I've spent my whole life working pretty hard to be normal but never reaching it.
I'll accept whatever the assessors say.