Published on 12, July, 2020
I've been referred for an assessment by my GP and haven't told anyone else. I'm in my thirties and have been married for nearly a decade.
Last month I saw a post on social media about female autistic traits and surprisingly, I could relate to every one of them. I started researching and spoke to someone at NAS and took the AQ test they advised. I scored 37. It was like a slow dawning, where all my sensory quirks and social anxieties and list-making connected into something larger. Before that, I wouldn't have believed I was autistic. Last week I realised that some of my behaviours could be labelled as stimming - (I've always had these but previously thought were part of my overall 'weirdness').
I haven't told my husband. I think that if I said I might be autistic, he wouldn't believe me (I struggled to believe it at first). He's not unkind or cruel.
I'm worried about telling him, in case I am assessed and I don't get an autism diagnosis. Then, I'd have to accept that I am just weird and I'd feel embarrassed at exposing a part of me that I've worked my whole life to keep hidden.
I'm assuming they'll want to speak to him at the assessment, so I've got to tell him at some point.
Any advice on how to tell a partner or family member about a referral?
How much is he aware of any difficulties you have? Do you have difficulties or is everything fine but you just perceive yourself as being a bit weird? There's nothing wrong with being bit weird or not being a "sheeple". One of the criteria for a diagnosis of ASD is that it has to cause you a "clinically significant" amount of difficulty in your life.
I'm fairly certain that people can have ASD but if they happen to be in the right environment it doesn't cause them a problem, so technically they don't have ASD.
I have had difficulties. I left university after a year and there have been some jobs that I couldn't stay at either.
I always watch TV with subtitles (since a child). There's nothing wrong with my hearing but I find it difficult to understand anything other than a string of individual words without the subtitles. My husband accepts this now but I have problems when we are not at home.
I have problems at work where I'm described as being blunt. It's become a regular joke. I'm told I don't follow the rules of social niceties and now I often ask colleagues to check my emails and suggest "fluffy bits" so that they are not too direct. I'd like to look at working somewhere else as I don't enjoy all of my job but I'm not sure I'd be accepted elsewhere (I currently work for my husband).
I also have some of my clothes hand-made, out of specific material and to the same patterns. Not something I tend to tell people.
My husband and I do argue. He cannot understand why I need to prepare before I make a phonecall, (and won't answer if it rings unexpectedly), why I refuse to park on a yellow line (and will panic to tears if he does), why I cannot cope with arrangements or timings changing, why I like to wash things a certain way or follow certain lists.
I don't have close friends.
I'm so tired of pretending to fit in. It's exhausting.