Published on 12, July, 2020
When I say that I am not able to bear much talking, it means really, and without any mistake, or equivocation, or oblique meaning, or implication, or subterfuge, or omission, that I am not able; being rather weak in the head, and able to work no more.
Those are not my own words. They were written in 1839 by Michael Faraday, the famous scientist for his discoveries about electricity and magnetism; he wasn't feeling his usual workaholic, and his doctor was annoying him. No, this isn't another of "every dead genius is autistic" threads! - I just happened to read that last night and it jolted my brain just at the moment
I've spent all night struggled to make it something coherent about why reading that quote has led to a little brain-wave, and why I needed Michael Faraday's words to join up ideas that, I learned them and forgot so many times. I chopped it up it over and over again for hours; didn't understand what the hell I was going on about even to myself (a lot shorter now, ha!). Anyhow, yes, my words power has been failing a bit this week, and very, very slow, when not just staring blankly into space, and you'd think I'd notice without needing to bumble across a quote by a famous scientist to point me to it out to me. It means I'm a bit burned -out of course, but also my brain also forgets to notice that, and the stress . Grammar and spelling it the easy bit (zap wiggly caterpillars!), what I'm using them to express whether it gets at across what I'm trying to say, is just getting more confusing the more I fiddle and fret. Getting the thoughts from my , even if I was trying to make it hard for myself!
Anyhow, I have some things that I must do (no surprise to me, fun with DWP!). the clever bit of my brain that did A levels and programs knows that they are important things, and it knows what I need do about them, that I'm stressing more for not having got done them yet - it tells me what's really going on sometimes when I've nearly asleep and it finally gets to speak to me over the hubbub that the rest of my brain usually makes most of the time and when it isn't outside the bubble by the hyper-focus and not "away with the fairies". Maybe more about that another time - too many tangents. I've got to take a break from here for a bit; it got to be a huge distraction from what I need to do and I'm letting it sap my energy that I really need so that I can try really, really hard to pretend be a grown-up for a bit. Like in the quote, I'm just not able to properly join in properly right now, but its OK, I've been though this before. You are such a wonderful and I know you would help if you could, but I need to just soft out the important things and rest the rest of the time, and not things that online advise can really help us with. Sorry if I don't reply to comment for a bit and sorry if I confused anyone (warts'n'all post lets the ultra-procrastinator sleep - another mask gone?!! - it's not meant it to be a pity party, and not boozing/drugs or in harms way, just to say that I wore out my brain a bit ("rather weak in the head") and got to have a break and normal service will resumed ASAP.
best wishes
Wishing you plenty of brain ease trog, I do understand exactly what your saying, we seem to share quite similar traits, this is one of them.
When I first joined I was on constantly,, I still am to some extent, always willing to try my best at whatever someone needed help with, even if I couldn’t find the right links to information or say how best to try and deal with things, I still would tell them not to give up, keep going and keep talking because someone here will help and they usually did.
I exhausted myself mentally, I felt guilty just having fun on here with others who also needed a break, I ranted about how wrong it was to have fun when there were people struggling for help. I was reassured by a few good people on here that we need time to recharge ourselves, we can’t help everyone no matter how much we feel we want to. You have given so much advice and support and by recounting your journey you have given a great deal of insight and understanding, even this post has helped others to really see how we cope, or not!
We do all we can but given there seems to be no help or support from the very organisation who say they work for us then what else can we do.
We try,,, we have our own issues constantly, add it all up! It shows although we struggle we are incredibly strong considering.
Take care my friend, you are one of the really good ones. Look after YOU and I look forward to your return, when your rested enough. () () ()