Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there
New to the forum. I had been seeing a psychotherapist as I considered myself 'highly sensitive' (as per the Elaine Aron definition). After a few sessions she told me she thought I had Aspergers, this was not an official diagnosis. I also volunteered for an EEG scan and the result showed markers for autism, again, not a diagnosis. Since then I have been looking at resources online to see ifI fit. The difficulty I have is knowing what is camouflaging and what is natural, and also, I am wary of seeking a label to excuse my behaviour.
My parents have told me that I am like my grandmother, neurotic and hormonally imbalanced, and that I need to learn not to take things seriously. I can see from their perspective and its what stops me from seeking a diagnosis, I don't know that I want official confirmation that there is nothing wrong and I should be able to cope. I do identify with the Tania Martial definition and Samantha Craft's, top 10 checklist, but (sorry) I can easily pick holes with some of these. the checklist https://everydayaspie.wordpress.com/2016/05/02/females-with-aspergers-syndrome-checklist-by-samantha-craft/, lists some things(Sharing intimate details, feeling isolation, questioning social norms etc etc. ) I used to discuss with my father who told me that this(these 'traits') were normal (obviously not anorexia or going off with strangers) and what everyone experiences, he said that I shouldn't obsess about such things. Essentially, life is difficult for everyone and obsessing about these things does not help you. Coming from a working class family this does seem logical, you need to keep your head down and work hard to get by.
I've looked at youtube video's and seen some young women diagnosed with AS that I do identify with, but also, from my parents perspective, they can appear as self involved, immature, and selfish. I do feel ashamed of being seen like that.
Has anyone come from this background and struggled with accepting their traits or diagnosis? Have you been called 'highly strung' or emotionally immature? What is your relationship like with your family after diagnosis?
I feel that a diagnosis (if it is confirmed) to explain my behavior will be seen as an excuse for not making an effort with people and being lazy. Sorry, this is a ramble, I just wanted to know if anyone else has had similar experience.
Whether it is due to my autism or not I am definitely immature in every sense of the word. I am just a very old child. When the assessor asked me if I already identified as an autistic woman, I actually struggled with the word woman more than the word autistic. It sounds so grown up to me and I'm so not ready to be a proper adult. I am definitely emotionally immature and have always been referred to as highly strung. I struggle to let go of things.
I diagnosis for you definitely would not be an excuse for not making an effort with people. It is a reason that you have found things like that difficult. Autism is a part of people - it does not define them. It isn't something that others should judge you on and certainly shouldn't be seen as an excuse. Part of what my assessor said to me was I need to start accepting me for me and not dwelling on the comments that have been made in the past such as weird, annoying etc.
I had that woman thing too during the interview, although in my case I said I didn't identify myself as being a woman. She asked whether I saw myself as a man. But that is also not the case, nor do I want to be a man.
I do think there is a word lacking between 'girl' and 'woman'. Although at 44 I should see myself as a woman I guess ️
I agree there should be a middle word. I'm not yet 30 so have slightly more excuse than you. Haha. I can't see my thoughts on that changing though.
You still count as a girl then