Published on 12, July, 2020
Could anyone here explain any issues they have with executive function? When i first started reading sbout it in relation to ASC i was applying it mainly to my job and so wasnt sure if i had any problems. But after considerstion i can think of some examples but im not sure if theyre daft or not!
Eg due to the nature of my job i have good holidays so am at home a lot. I know there are things which need doing and love making lists. But stuff doesnt get done. Its not a case of CBA (cant be ar**d) but something else that i cant out my finger on. Often i can just sit there thinking about stuff and not doing the task. Ive realised i have a dufferent pace to my partner who gets things done more quickly. For me i have to weigh things up
Another example is that in summer my parents were coming iver to help with some decorating and jobs. It was quite clear in my mind that me and mum would be doing one task while my dad did something else. It ended up being all 3 of ys on the same task in a confined space. I REALLY struggled with this and had to remove myself from the sitation. I told them it was because i was getting claustraphobic but i knew its because my dad wasnt sticking to his assigned role. This has happened more than once.
I struggle when people pop over when im in the middle of something and i have to stop what im doing to entertain them. I feel its lack of control being taken away from me.
I struggle when i get interrupted at work and then have to resume. I cant multi task at home. (The amount of times the cooking pans have boiled over....)
I find getting out bed difficult.
On the positive side with certain tasks i can be highly focused.
Since ive been reading about executive function what ive started doing with my partner or parents is stating that i dont know where to start or can you help me get stated / tell me what to do next. Ive found this to be beneficial. However if someone tells me what yo do without me asking i can get quite offended as my first instinct is to think IM NOT STUPID. Ive also started checking who will be doing what if my parents come to help!
Would anyone like to add comments, agree, disagree, relate to this? Thank you.
Before my autism diagnosis, my executive dysfunction was often one of the most frightening things in my life; it seriously led me to question the nature of free will and whether I was losing my mind, because of the disconnect between what I intend to do and what I actually end up doing. I'm grateful that the psychologist at my autism assessment spent quite a while explaining the concepts to me, otherwise I might still be feeling that somehow my mind isn't always my own to do what I want with. The lack of agency that it's left me feeling has been a huge factor in my depressive episodes, I'm absolutely sure. It's bad enough having to swim against the current in the outside world all the time, never mind inside my own brain.
There's no decision large or small that I can't manage to procrastinate about for any arbitrary length of time. Then, if and when I finally get to the end of that, it doesn't matter whether I know how to do what I want, have the resources for it, have done it before successfully, and really, really want to do it; I just can't guarantee that I will, and definitely not within any given time frame. I then look back, completely mystified as how how it didn't happen, often with little idea at all how I filled the time. Of course, onlookers only ever notice this happening when it's something that they want me to do, and love to imagine that I must be doing it on purpose, or just because I'm lazy.
I'm pretty sure that this is where a lot of my repetitive routines and habits come from. They're not obsessions or rituals, as many people seem to think, they're "auto-pilots"; sub-conscious routines that my brain has taken up so that it doesn't have to run the risk of getting my screwed up executive functions involved. I can often perform these without applying any conscious attention at all, and often don't even remember doing them; "oh, I've come back from the shop with exactly the same things that I always buy, how did that happen?" In fact, trying to take "manual control" when I'm running on "auto-pilot" is usually disastrous; the surest way of messing something up that I'd otherwise do completely effortlessly.
Task switching completely does my head in. I've had so many problems in jobs in the past because the boss has interrupted me from something I'm immersed in, and my brain hasn't switched into "conversation mode" fast enough to pick up a word that's been said. My "conversation auto-pilot" can even parrot a nice, chirpy agreement to something without me having the faintest idea what was agreed, or even that I spoke. "Was the boss just at my desk, or am I just remembering something from yesterday? last week? six months ago?"
My sense of the passage of time is absolutely atrocious. I very often have no idea whether I've been doing something for a few minutes or a few hours, lose track of what day of the week it is, or even find myself thinking it's a completely different season of the year just because of how the air feels. If I'm hyper-focused on something, even more so; in which case, I also won't notice my hunger, thirst, temperature, where my limbs are, or otherwise very obvious external stimuli.
"Away with the faeries", as my gran always used to say.
Oh my word Trogluddite you pretty much just down loaded my mind!
Especially the part about doing something you really really want to do,
Strange as it seems the part about total inability to recognise the passing of time really rang bells with me, once I get going I just keep going, I don’t stop to eat, drink, often I will find my legs double folded, locked tight together and twisted, it is only after several hours I realise and then the pain of untwisting them really hurts, When truly focused I dismiss any discomfort, only much much later I feel the cramp or maybe my whole arm has gone numb through leaning on it, I can spend hours researching something to suddenly realise my mouth is totally dry, my whole body aching as soon as I stop focusing, I sit glued to a monitor my body just gets forgotten about.
I had read on here before about lack of executive function.
Take today, I was determined to get up early, I did that, get dressed and sort out all the things I needed, I did that, prepared a few hot drinks, did that, then plan where I needed to go,, all sorted, but I kept checking the clock, going over everything I needed, checking the clock again. Thinking “ it’s ok I still have time left” . So everything ready, time is approaching to get going! Oh better just check again just exactly where the memorial is? This then suddenly makes me think “ where will I park? There will be hundreds turning up for the memorial ! I have left it to late, better get going fast, drive fast, got held up, clock ticking away fast, time running out now, oh no, no parking spaces left anywhere, I have messed up,, should have left a lot earlier, why didn’t I move quicker?
Got really upset, drove around getting more upset. Finally gave up trying, sat in my car away from the venue crying, I messed up big time.
My own fault, no one to blame. Later I returned hoping to watch the various groups march through the town. I couldn’t find a spot where I could see, too many people, I was being pushed about, not in a nasty way, just so many people. I can’t just push my way to the front, that’s impolite, finally I walked away, kept walking having failed again. Then I had no idea where to go, did I need anything? Decided to visit charity shops, most had closed, When I did go in I realised I didn’t really want anything specific, so why go in?
Drove home feeling useless, no idea why I bothered, I so desperately wanted to do this, it was a special thing I wanted so much to be part of. Yes I am rambling, I need to unload all this, sorry for going on so much, but your words struck a deep chord with me,
thank you trog. ()
I'm sorry to hear about that, ((Lonewarrior)). I understand just what you mean; like I said earlier, folks notice it when it's them that are expecting something of us, but no-one ever recognises how soul-crushing it is when it constantly interferes with things that we've set our hearts on. You've described perfectly how one little moment of procrastination leads to that sickening domino effect where the farce just gets worse and worse the harder you try to get back on track. As you say, it is so easy for it to lead to that "why bother even trying?" feeling.
The tying your legs in knots and giving yourself dead limbs is exactly like me, too. I'm starting to feel the repercussions of all the years I've spent hunched over a computer (I started over 30 years ago), but I know that, short of tying me to the chair, I have no control over how I'm sat at all - if I think to sit up straight, it'll only last until I get hyper-focused again. When I used to play drums, a session would quite often end when I'd accidentally punch myself in the face because I had no idea that I'd slouched almost until my nose was inches away from the snare drum (trying to pass my arms through each other as if my hands aren't connected to my body is another favourite trick!)
) ( said:hope I am not freaking you out!
Not at all, it's always wonderful to find a kindred spirit! I've been a regular on three different forums for about four years now, and it's really incredible how these synchronicities turn up. It's great to be able to talk about them at last after years of filing them away under "never talk about this again" because of the blank stares they usually get!
Oddly enough, I find playing musical instruments is rather like the "auto-pilot" I described earlier. I found it much easier once I was playing in punk bands and not being self-conscious about the "rules" of music. Even after 30 years, I always have to learn a riff or song by just playing it until I get the muscle memory; as soon as I have to think about what I'm doing with my fingers, it all goes to pot. In fact, since I gave up playing in bands, the main reason that I still play is that it's a quick route to the kind of hyper-focus that lets me leave the stressful world behind.
I often think that people struggle learning instruments because they take it too seriously, and trying to learn the theory interferes with gaining the dexterity. I always came up with my best stuff when I was just messing around, and learned most of my bass playing techniques by discovering them by accident. After all, you don't "use" or "work" a musical instrument - you "play" it!
I'm a few years too young to be your twin (1970 baby), but since we both seem to live in a bubble of warped space-time, who knows! (())
Hey twin,,, hope I am not freaking you out!
I was born in 1962 I think I was on my own when born Lol.
It is quite reassuring to hear your stories, it means I am not unique in the many things I feel or do.
Just been replying to your replies in the jukebox thread, wow, I cannot play any instruments, I learnt enough to play happy birthday on an acoustic guitar, but soon forgot the chords( dyslexia, memory) I tried to play a brass instrument, joined a brass band school, was doing ok, learning to read music, skipped home after the first night, so happy , full of myself having written down musical notes and understood them, sadly the club stalled, a mixture of the main man falling ill and no real cover for him, it just shut down, I was heart broken, I have instruments a plenty, I collected as many as I could, cheap unloved ones, a sad reminder of if only. When I say many , I could start my own band, seriously,,, every kind possible, isn’t it sad, I would love to hear them all play again.