Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm 34 and was diagnosed as autistic about 3 months ago. I have not received any help or support at all other than being enrolled in a support group that was less than useless. It was essentially a group of people sitting around saying the stuff they struggle with. I already know what I struggle with , I want to know what I can do about it.
Even this website is useless unless you need a carer or something. If you manage to work full time, despite the fact it makes you horribly depressed and anxious all the time, you're expected to just deal with it. There is no help or support in place at all.
I'm fed up with struggling, I want to know what to. I'm beginning to think that getting a diagnosis was a massive waste of time, it hasn't changed anything. I mean, at least now I know why I've been having trouble all my life, but I'm still no closer to actually getting any help.
I'm genuinely stuck. I've been told that masking is part of the reason that I struggle so much with my mental health. But what on earth am I supposed to do? Drop the mask and be unable to function in "normal society "?
Any help/advice appreciated
I'm not sure masking is that much of a choice. I don't think I could just decide not to mask. I do think a lot of it is to accept who you are and be confident to be that person. With that perhaps the masking would naturally become less? Getting my diagnosis has made me feel much better about some of the things I do/way I am. I can reassure myself that there is a reason for it. It's still difficult and as a person I am very up and fown but I feel that the diagnosis has made a difference so I don't think that you have wasted your time. Maybe you need some more time to figure it out and feel comfortable being you.
It is rubbish that if you can hold down a job that means you are ok and can manage. I wish people knew how exhausting that is and how hard it is to deal with anything else when you've put everything you've got into getting through the day. I hope you get the support you need and take some comfort in the fact that there are people that understand.
I notice my mask is the glue that holds everyone else together.
I'm the bright, sparkly one who is good in the mornings, the one who instigates conversations, the one who keeps injecting the childish fun into relationships, the one who comes up wth the fun things to do, the one who makes christmas good for everyone else, the one who makes surprises happen, the one who will go the extra mile all the time, the one who sorts out problems, the one who keeps people young.
I'm the perpetual unexpected delight.
On the outside.
On the inside, I'm the depressed, seriously ill, suicidal burn-out fed up with doing the heavy-lifting in everone else's miserable lives.
"I'm fine, honestly!", "No, it's really no trouble at all.", "Yes, of course I can." - they have been my favourite lies my whole life.
"I don't mind" Personal needs are seen as a weakness and a weakness is an opportunity for bullies to use and abuse.
Actually, yes I DO MIND.