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Separation

NAS38860
over 5 years ago

Hi ro all. I am a 56 years old and I was diagnosed with Aspergers 8 years ago. I have a daughter and I have been with my husband for 30 years. My husband took the diagnosis very badly and decided that a reltionship between an aspie and an NT was bound to fail. I went to a therapist and I worked rally hard to adjust my behaviour to his needs and wants. To no avail. After all this time, he has decided to separate. I am devastated as I dont have many friends to support me and my family refuses my diagnosis and they never understood me. I also have been physically disabled for the last 3 years due to an accident and I have an auto immune disease. I have lways suffered from anxiety and depression but now they are out of control. My husband says he loves me but cannot live with me and wants to live his own life. He says he wants to remain my closest friend but I am devastated. I cannot understand what he wants. Has anyone gone through a separation or has lost a relationship because they were autustic?

Parents
  • over 5 years ago

    What an awful heartbreaking experience. I honestly don't believe the Autism diagnosis was the real reason for his behaviour though, rather it sounds like he was just using that as an excuse. Trying to blame you for the seperation by saying that Aspies & NTs don't mix, just seems to be a fairly transparent attempt to avoid taking any responsibilty himself.

    You mentioned not being able to understand what he wants. Based on your description, what he wants is to walk away from a marriage of 30 years for allegedly trivial reasons & with little or no consequences. You haven't said anything about financial or living arrangements, but I would strongly suggest taking legal advice because the 'Lets stay close friends' comment could also be interpreted as a way of discouraging you from making things difficult for him financially.

    He sounds quite manipulative, so hopefully once you have recovered from the initial shock, things will improve for you.

    I shouldn't really be trying to give relationship advice though, not with my awful track record.

    Take care

Reply
  • over 5 years ago

    What an awful heartbreaking experience. I honestly don't believe the Autism diagnosis was the real reason for his behaviour though, rather it sounds like he was just using that as an excuse. Trying to blame you for the seperation by saying that Aspies & NTs don't mix, just seems to be a fairly transparent attempt to avoid taking any responsibilty himself.

    You mentioned not being able to understand what he wants. Based on your description, what he wants is to walk away from a marriage of 30 years for allegedly trivial reasons & with little or no consequences. You haven't said anything about financial or living arrangements, but I would strongly suggest taking legal advice because the 'Lets stay close friends' comment could also be interpreted as a way of discouraging you from making things difficult for him financially.

    He sounds quite manipulative, so hopefully once you have recovered from the initial shock, things will improve for you.

    I shouldn't really be trying to give relationship advice though, not with my awful track record.

    Take care

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