Just had a massive meltdown at work

Hi.

i can only imagine the soup in your head at the moment. 

A couple of questions 

1. is your employer aware formally of your diagnosis
2. do you have frequent line management meetings.. to discuss projects etc but they should also be about supporting and enabling you to do your job. Do you feel supported in your role? Can you cite examples if occasions when you’ve not? 
3. in your informal meeting was there anyone else there
4. in your meeting on Tuesday will there be someone there from HR and someone taking notes
5. do you have any previous occasions when you’ve hit meltdown? If so, when and how frequent are they? Was it similar triggers? 

it is horrible that this is just at the start of a long bank holiday day. It is also impossible to tell an Aspie “not to worry”. This post is intending to try and take a logical and pragmatic look at it. Sorry if it doesn’t offer an solace. 

Footnote:

Below is the employer guidance from NAS which is posted on the site:

Top tips

• Clarify expectations of the job. You may need to be more explicit about your expectations for an autistic member of staff. As well as the job description, you need to explain the etiquette and unwritten rules of the workplace. Make it clear that any adaptations for them in the workplace are there to help them keep doing their job well, not because they are not good enough.
• Provide training and monitoring. Clear and structured training is invaluable. This can be provided informally on the job, by a manager, colleagues or a mentor, or may take the form of more formal training. Various organisations and schemes offer job coaches, and funding for this form of training may be available from the Department of Work and Pensions. Our Employment Training Service can provide more information.
• Make sure instructions are concise and specific. Try to give the your employee clear instructions right from the start about exactly how to carry out each task, from start to finish, as this will lay the foundations for good working practices. Don’t assume the person will infer your meaning from informal instructions – for example, rather than saying 'Give everybody a copy of this', say 'Make three photocopies of this, and give one each to Sam, Mary and Ahmed'. You may also choose to provide written instructions. It can be helpful to ask the person to repeat back instructions so you are sure they have understood.
• Ensure the work environment is well-structured. Some autistic people need a fairly structured work environment. You can help by working with them to prioritise activities, organising tasks into a timetable for daily, weekly and monthly activities, and breaking larger tasks into small steps. Some people will appreciate precise information about start and finish times, and help getting into a routine with breaks and lunches.
• Regularly review performance. As with any employee, line managers should have regular one-to-one meetings with the person to discuss and review performance and give overall comments and suggestions. For an autistic staff member, brief, frequent reviews may be better than longer sessions at less frequent intervals.
• Provide sensitive but direct feedback. Autistic people often find it difficult to pick up on social cues, so make sure your feedback is honest, constructive and consistent. If they complete a task incorrectly, don't allude to, or imply, any problems – instead, explain tactfully but clearly why it is wrong, check that they have understood, and set out exactly what they should do instead. Be aware that they may have low self-esteem or experience of being bullied, so ensure that any criticism is sensitive, and give positive feedback wherever appropriate.
• Provide reassurance in stressful situations. Autistic people can be quite meticulous, and can become anxious if their performance is not perfect. This means they may become very stressed in a situation such as an IT failure. You can help by giving concrete solutions to these situations – for example, by explaining "If the photocopier breaks, use the one on the third floor." Similarly, reassure them that if they occasionally arrive late due to transport problems or other unpreventable factors, this is not a problem. Your employee may benefit from having a mentor or buddy in the workplace – an empathetic colleague who they can go to if they are feeling stressed, anxious or confused.
• Support your staff member to prepare for changes. Give information about changes to the workplace or tasks well in advance.
• Ask about sensory distractions. Autistic employees sometimes benefit from things like screens around their desk, noise-cancelling headphones, or their desk being in the corner.
• Help other staff to be more aware. If your autistic employee consents to their condition being disclosed, then providing colleagues with information and guidance on autism can benefit everyone. Sometimes the employee may find it helpful to write a document for other staff explaining what their colleagues can do to support them. You could consider staff training, or our online modules.

Footnote:

Below is the employer guidance from NAS which is posted on the site:

Top tips

• Clarify expectations of the job. You may need to be more explicit about your expectations for an autistic member of staff. As well as the job description, you need to explain the etiquette and unwritten rules of the workplace. Make it clear that any adaptations for them in the workplace are there to help them keep doing their job well, not because they are not good enough.
• Provide training and monitoring. Clear and structured training is invaluable. This can be provided informally on the job, by a manager, colleagues or a mentor, or may take the form of more formal training. Various organisations and schemes offer job coaches, and funding for this form of training may be available from the Department of Work and Pensions. Our Employment Training Service can provide more information.
• Make sure instructions are concise and specific. Try to give the your employee clear instructions right from the start about exactly how to carry out each task, from start to finish, as this will lay the foundations for good working practices. Don’t assume the person will infer your meaning from informal instructions – for example, rather than saying 'Give everybody a copy of this', say 'Make three photocopies of this, and give one each to Sam, Mary and Ahmed'. You may also choose to provide written instructions. It can be helpful to ask the person to repeat back instructions so you are sure they have understood.
• Ensure the work environment is well-structured. Some autistic people need a fairly structured work environment. You can help by working with them to prioritise activities, organising tasks into a timetable for daily, weekly and monthly activities, and breaking larger tasks into small steps. Some people will appreciate precise information about start and finish times, and help getting into a routine with breaks and lunches.
• Regularly review performance. As with any employee, line managers should have regular one-to-one meetings with the person to discuss and review performance and give overall comments and suggestions. For an autistic staff member, brief, frequent reviews may be better than longer sessions at less frequent intervals.
• Provide sensitive but direct feedback. Autistic people often find it difficult to pick up on social cues, so make sure your feedback is honest, constructive and consistent. If they complete a task incorrectly, don't allude to, or imply, any problems – instead, explain tactfully but clearly why it is wrong, check that they have understood, and set out exactly what they should do instead. Be aware that they may have low self-esteem or experience of being bullied, so ensure that any criticism is sensitive, and give positive feedback wherever appropriate.
• Provide reassurance in stressful situations. Autistic people can be quite meticulous, and can become anxious if their performance is not perfect. This means they may become very stressed in a situation such as an IT failure. You can help by giving concrete solutions to these situations – for example, by explaining "If the photocopier breaks, use the one on the third floor." Similarly, reassure them that if they occasionally arrive late due to transport problems or other unpreventable factors, this is not a problem. Your employee may benefit from having a mentor or buddy in the workplace – an empathetic colleague who they can go to if they are feeling stressed, anxious or confused.
• Support your staff member to prepare for changes. Give information about changes to the workplace or tasks well in advance.
• Ask about sensory distractions. Autistic employees sometimes benefit from things like screens around their desk, noise-cancelling headphones, or their desk being in the corner.
• Help other staff to be more aware. If your autistic employee consents to their condition being disclosed, then providing colleagues with information and guidance on autism can benefit everyone. Sometimes the employee may find it helpful to write a document for other staff explaining what their colleagues can do to support them. You could consider staff training, or our online modules.

In my past experiences of managing staff it can an excellent practice for all staff not just those on the spectrum.. 

Relationships are key as well as knowing your staff. 

Wow, this thread has struck a chord with me.  I can only express my sympathies as I know all too well what it is like to work for a company that is badly managed and condones people throwing their weight around and ducking and diving.

It seems this type of work environment is more common sadly and I moved to escape some issues you listed above only to be presented with others in my current role.  You can probably relate for the need to have clear plans and expectations in place so their is time to process and understand what needs to be achieved at what stage and any other actions that may have been overlooked.

Ellie's recommendations above are all worthy, but my experience is that their is a real lack of understanding of ASD and as you say, it is often seen as an excuse to cover inadequacies, when in fact it is further from the truth.

I have a poor relationship with my boss and for me to thrive in the workplace I need someone who can work with my idiosyncrasies - that doesn't mean bending over-backwards for me or patting me on the back every five minutes, which some have failed to interpret that way.  I need clear goals and expectations, I need someone to be upfront with me if there is a problem and to be realistic.  I have had two bosses (I have had maybe a dozen or more throughout my working life) that have managed to get the best out of me, one even managed to figure out exactly how I tick and managed me beautifully through all sorts of messy situations - people like him though are rare.

I would approach the meeting by being clear that you want to thrive in your role, but need some clear guidance to do that and realistic deadlines to work to (anyone will struggle without that, let alone with ASD).

In fact I am going to use Ellie's suggestions above with my HR department as my working relationship with my boss isn't working, so we either need to make it work or I need to find another job as the stress of working in a chaotic environment with no objectives or clear leadership is unbearable for me.

You would think these sorts of things would be addressed for everyone regardless of needs as a bare minimum for running a work environment!