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Can't tell what is me and what is the mask. Unsure of who I really am

Deleted user
over 5 years ago

How do you drop the mask and how do you even identify it in the first place? It's so engrained Disappointed

Parents
  • over 5 years ago

    Greetings. This is from - if anyone is wondering about me! - someone who is very much Apergers, yet never "Masks" or "Stims": When something is bad or upsetting for myself, I have Physical Illnesses which simply make me sort of "Shut Down"...!

    how do you even identify it in the first place? It's so engrained

    ...I think that if acting a certain way, even if in genuine "acting" (as if in a professional play or dramatics)... even if pretending to smile or chat... if it makes oneself feel just a little bit uneasy, or guilty, or sick... then THAT is the "Mask" (hence the Term). If it does not feel right, or beneficial to others, or makes yourself unhappy, then THAT is the "Mask" as well, I think. 

    What is not a "Mask" makes yourself happy and others happy (enough) at that time. After masking for a long time, or never masking, the difference can be sort of "felt" as a "feeling"...

    "Hope this helps!" as NAS used to like to say...(!)

  • over 5 years ago in reply to Disambiguating Cynosure

    Very insightful! I experience a lot of those emotions a LOT. Guilt, sickness, uneasiness. I suppose the alternative would be to look sullen rather than smiley or to leave the social interaction as soon as possible and then there would be the gossip that would ensue after my 'rudeness'. The guilt and worry over being judged as rude, bad or dislikably weird would be a lot more than the guilt felt when keeping up a mask in the moment. What a horrible choice! 'Interaction+Guilt+Fear+mask=exhaustion and stress'  or 'limited interaction+no mask+fear=Lots of guilt+lots of fear, worry and paranoia about what others think'  I'm too scared to drop the mask even though it is really bad for my health

Reply
  • over 5 years ago in reply to Disambiguating Cynosure

    Very insightful! I experience a lot of those emotions a LOT. Guilt, sickness, uneasiness. I suppose the alternative would be to look sullen rather than smiley or to leave the social interaction as soon as possible and then there would be the gossip that would ensue after my 'rudeness'. The guilt and worry over being judged as rude, bad or dislikably weird would be a lot more than the guilt felt when keeping up a mask in the moment. What a horrible choice! 'Interaction+Guilt+Fear+mask=exhaustion and stress'  or 'limited interaction+no mask+fear=Lots of guilt+lots of fear, worry and paranoia about what others think'  I'm too scared to drop the mask even though it is really bad for my health

Children
  • over 5 years ago in reply to Deleted user
    I suppose the alternative would be to look sullen rather than smiley or to leave the social interaction as soon as possible and then there would be the gossip that would ensue after my 'rudeness'.

    ...Thank You for answering, yours was a darned good answer, there. As I said, I 'hoped' what I said was something useful, despite my not really knowing about it (masking)...

    There is good reason to put anyone off myself, considering what I quote, there --- This is totally myself (in public)...ever since passing age 25...!

    I can be happy, but when I show it, then... well, that is when my UserName kicks in. Yet This Thread is about yourself and others and not about myself, though...         ;-)