Bullying - With Experience

I was badly bullied & ostracised in early high school and have been picked on and bullied in jobs since. It's had an impact on my MH; depression, anxiety, bulimia, and I also experience what I believe may be 'emotional flashbacks' under specific conditions.

Some of the teachers at my school witnessed me being bullied but ignored it. One of them even said a couple of years later that they thought I'd 'grown up a lot', so, hey, I guess that they thought the bullying was my fault. 

I'm aware that bullying is an issue I'll probably be confronted with throughout my life so more recently I have started to study it and gain a clearer understanding of the reasons behind it (bullying is usually a demonstration of power and means to control a group, not the target). It's also worth learning about group dynamic theory, formal & informal hierarchies & power structures within groups. 

I recognise that as I don't 'do' small talk and tend not to socialise with work colleagues - too exhausting in addition to the job - this puts me at higher risk of being bullied. If an individual remains relatively unknown to others then it's easier for people to project (usually unfavourably) onto them.

I guess my current thinking is to find work & social environments that are supportive, inclusive and have a low tolerance for these forms of abuse. Another option is to find a mix of work where social interaction with others is limited or can be done in a controlled manner (self-employed specialist who delivers training/ advice, a product or works online etc..). I also suggest having a few stock phrases ready for when someone says something aggressive as this initial response may deter a potential long-term bully if they are 'testing' to locate potential targets. 

Teach yourself about how best to respond to passive aggressive comments too as this can be more difficult to respond to in the moment. 

For parents trying to support kids who are being bullied, approach the school early on after making yourself familiar with their bullying policy and evidence base that links bullying to the long-term impact on MH. There are also safeguarding implications to consider as bullies may be the victim of abuse at home (schools should take this very seriously as it would be a major failing in their Duty of Care if they overlooked it). Read up on the legal requirements that schools have to comply with, and use this info when you speak to the school. Practise what and how you are going to say in advance. 

If the bullying involves sexual intimidation and/ or physical violence I'd approach the police first. 

Hope these suggestions are of help.

Saz

I was badly bullied & ostracised in early high school and have been picked on and bullied in jobs since. It's had an impact on my MH; depression, anxiety, bulimia, and I also experience what I believe may be 'emotional flashbacks' under specific conditions.

Some of the teachers at my school witnessed me being bullied but ignored it. One of them even said a couple of years later that they thought I'd 'grown up a lot', so, hey, I guess that they thought the bullying was my fault. 

I'm aware that bullying is an issue I'll probably be confronted with throughout my life so more recently I have started to study it and gain a clearer understanding of the reasons behind it (bullying is usually a demonstration of power and means to control a group, not the target). It's also worth learning about group dynamic theory, formal & informal hierarchies & power structures within groups. 

I recognise that as I don't 'do' small talk and tend not to socialise with work colleagues - too exhausting in addition to the job - this puts me at higher risk of being bullied. If an individual remains relatively unknown to others then it's easier for people to project (usually unfavourably) onto them.

I guess my current thinking is to find work & social environments that are supportive, inclusive and have a low tolerance for these forms of abuse. Another option is to find a mix of work where social interaction with others is limited or can be done in a controlled manner (self-employed specialist who delivers training/ advice, a product or works online etc..). I also suggest having a few stock phrases ready for when someone says something aggressive as this initial response may deter a potential long-term bully if they are 'testing' to locate potential targets. 

Teach yourself about how best to respond to passive aggressive comments too as this can be more difficult to respond to in the moment. 

For parents trying to support kids who are being bullied, approach the school early on after making yourself familiar with their bullying policy and evidence base that links bullying to the long-term impact on MH. There are also safeguarding implications to consider as bullies may be the victim of abuse at home (schools should take this very seriously as it would be a major failing in their Duty of Care if they overlooked it). Read up on the legal requirements that schools have to comply with, and use this info when you speak to the school. Practise what and how you are going to say in advance. 

If the bullying involves sexual intimidation and/ or physical violence I'd approach the police first. 

Hope these suggestions are of help.

Saz