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Deleted user
over 5 years ago

Hi,

I am not sure if what I am going to write about has been asked before or even if I have asked myself before. This is a really sensitive topic that I really want to get some feedback on.

I guess I am also wondering if anyone has struggled with anything similar. I have decided to post because I am not sure where else to turn. I am scared to raise it with people.

So what I wanted to ask was does anyone or has anyone found that they get attached to people easily. For myself it is with people that have been nice to me. I guess the only way I can explain it is. I got attached to someone who used to do a quick head/shoulder massage (in a shopping centre). They were kind to me. I found myself buying them a thank you card and a small gift. I would go back numerous times a week. In the end they told me it wasn't healthy and I stopped. I had another similar experience and bought another person a card and gift card to say thank you. I just get attached to them. I then worry that they won't be there anymore that I won't cope. This is has happened since I was at least 10 years of age and it happened with teachers. I could write a very long list of all the people I have become attached to. When I get attached I then fear something happening and them not being around anymore. I hate myself for it, I just feel like an awful person. I'm not sure why I do it either.

Please share if you have experience this. I am in a position where someone I am getting support from professionally shared an example of themselves to explain a situation and now  I feel like I know too much about them and fear something bad happening. 

Parents
  • over 5 years ago

    I do this to some extent. Certainly when I send thank you cards to professionals I have help from I have to be careful to make sure they're appropriate. With a dentist I had a few years ago, for instance, he was so kind but he was also attractive. I didn't fancy him as he was too young for me but I had to make sure when I wrote him a thank you card that it dealt solely with his professionalism and kindness and the gratitude I felt. Normally I put kisses on cards so I had to be very sure I didn't as I didn't want to make him uncomfortable or that I meant more than the card said.

    The need for acceptance and care is very strong in all of us (NTs as well). You have the awareness of it, though, which is a great start. I was wondering whether you could create a strategy for yourself for when you feel that attachment happening again. With your support worker do you think it would help to explain your feelings about them sharing their story and why? It could start a discussion on boundaries which might help you.

    You're not an awful person. In fact, you're a very caring person. Perhaps caring for people who aren't in a position to return your attachment is a way of keeping you safe from other relationships. I can only speculate and hope that you're able to deal well with your latest and any future situations like it.

Reply
  • over 5 years ago

    I do this to some extent. Certainly when I send thank you cards to professionals I have help from I have to be careful to make sure they're appropriate. With a dentist I had a few years ago, for instance, he was so kind but he was also attractive. I didn't fancy him as he was too young for me but I had to make sure when I wrote him a thank you card that it dealt solely with his professionalism and kindness and the gratitude I felt. Normally I put kisses on cards so I had to be very sure I didn't as I didn't want to make him uncomfortable or that I meant more than the card said.

    The need for acceptance and care is very strong in all of us (NTs as well). You have the awareness of it, though, which is a great start. I was wondering whether you could create a strategy for yourself for when you feel that attachment happening again. With your support worker do you think it would help to explain your feelings about them sharing their story and why? It could start a discussion on boundaries which might help you.

    You're not an awful person. In fact, you're a very caring person. Perhaps caring for people who aren't in a position to return your attachment is a way of keeping you safe from other relationships. I can only speculate and hope that you're able to deal well with your latest and any future situations like it.

Children
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