Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I am not sure if what I am going to write about has been asked before or even if I have asked myself before. This is a really sensitive topic that I really want to get some feedback on.
I guess I am also wondering if anyone has struggled with anything similar. I have decided to post because I am not sure where else to turn. I am scared to raise it with people.
So what I wanted to ask was does anyone or has anyone found that they get attached to people easily. For myself it is with people that have been nice to me. I guess the only way I can explain it is. I got attached to someone who used to do a quick head/shoulder massage (in a shopping centre). They were kind to me. I found myself buying them a thank you card and a small gift. I would go back numerous times a week. In the end they told me it wasn't healthy and I stopped. I had another similar experience and bought another person a card and gift card to say thank you. I just get attached to them. I then worry that they won't be there anymore that I won't cope. This is has happened since I was at least 10 years of age and it happened with teachers. I could write a very long list of all the people I have become attached to. When I get attached I then fear something happening and them not being around anymore. I hate myself for it, I just feel like an awful person. I'm not sure why I do it either.
Please share if you have experience this. I am in a position where someone I am getting support from professionally shared an example of themselves to explain a situation and now I feel like I know too much about them and fear something bad happening.
I can kind of relate from when I was in my teens and twenties. I might spend hours on hand-making cards, It also shaded into having crushes on members of the opposite sex. Sometimes it was appropriate for the person, but sometimes it was too much. Maybe this was from my lack of confidence and knowledge about the world.
I think being affectionate is a good thing. It just sounds to me like you're looking for affection and constancy in return, which is natural, and maybe looking in some of the wrong places. You can only know this by asking the other person's feeling and reactions. I wish you didn't hate yourself for it, and hope you can share your worries with more people who you trust. I expect the professional was trying to help appropriately (but if not, tell someone). Would it make sense to try showing some of that affection for yourself? You're as good as anyone else.