Published on 12, July, 2020
Often when I speak to medical professionals about my views on death they are very surprised and exclaim ‘you are very black and white about that.’ I realise my views on the subject differ to that of many other people, and they have done since I was a young child. I don’t know if this is partly due to my autism, or just my own weird take on things, so I thought I’d ask on here what other people’s views on death/dying are. To give you a flavour of my views, here are some of my comments on the matter:
I think that we all die so we should get used to the idea sooner rather than later and that’s it’s not worth worrying about as it is inevitable. I wouldn’t care if I died tomorrow. Further, if I was to fall terminally ill I would refuse treatment as I believe in letting nature take it’s course - after all, natural selection has worked well for thousands of years, so why mess with it? If I died prematurely due to illness I would just see it that this was meant to be. This is why, despite being in my early 20s, I have already requested a do not resuscitate to be in place (also, I kind of view CPR as a form of physical assault - having seen it done to others, I certainly wouldn’t want it done to me!) and I said I wouldn’t want a blood transfusion when I had surgery. Don’t get me wrong, I am not one to refuse all medical input and I am very thankful for some of it, but I do draw a distinct line between what I consider acceptable and not.
My grandma is currently in a nursing home with dementia. She literally asked my mum and me to smother her, and she just wants to die because she is no longer able to live at home and do what she enjoyed. The home said she was depressed and tried to medicate her for it. They gave her a medication they new would increase her appetite as she was refusing food. I ended up arguing with them over it, explaining that my grandma wasn’t mentally ill - her thinking was perfectly logical and if I was in her position I would feel the same way. My grandma is very like me, and is very pragmatic about death also, and she hid the tablets rather than taking them, so that demonstrates what she thought about it! Maybe I was wrong to argue with the home, but I honestly couldn’t understand why they were trying to get her to feel different and eat more, as this would only prolong her suffering (aka life) and she just wanted to die! I think that keeping people alive at all cost is truly immoral and if they didn’t ask for it personally, it is selfish of those who did.
Disclaimer: I don’t mean to offend anyone with my views, and I certainly don’t expect others to comply with them. I respect everyone’s views and I know this is a difficult subject for some. I’m just wondering if anyone else thinks like me about death, or if I’m being obscure on my own here! Some may put it down to my current depression, but as mentioned I’ve thought like this from a very young age, so it appears intrinsic (maybe inherited from my grandma!).
What interests me is what you said about your gran. My gran had dementia and I was a carer for her for about 9 months towards the end of her life before I went to university. I now volunteer for the Alzheimer's society and have done for just over a year.
Hiding medication- especially tablets- is actually a symptom of dementia. As for her depression, it can come from valid places. She has every right to be depressed, which is why she is. Her having "valid" reasons for being depressed doesn't negate the fact that she could have depression.
I watched my gran be dragged through the end of her life when she had no quality of life for quite a few months (up to about 15 months) before her death. To put it crassly, had she been a dog we would've been negligent owners for not putting her down. Unfortunately it becomes tricky with humans as it is just intrinsic that we don't want other humans to die, and legally speaking it gets very complicated to do anything other trying to extend someone's life as much as possible.
As for death, I am a bit scared of it, but the thing that I find weirdest of all is the fact that everyone dies. I look at people and think "every one of you is going to die at some point". Sometimes I think it is cruel to bring babies into the world knowing they will suffer and die one day.
I think the legal side of it is complicated, but what isn't? The main barrier is the fact that the church is very firm that assisted dying in any shape or form is completely unacceptable and they have more of a role than most people would realise in shaping our laws. There are several members of the church who get automatic seats in the House of Lords, prayers are said every day in the Commons and the head of the church could theoretically completely block a new law.
If the will of the majority (who are generally in favour of assisted dying in at least the most obviously okay circumstances) was going to be enforced, it's not impossible to figure out a way to write something that would be okay to most people. The fact that a terminally ill but lucid person is forced to suffer for months or longer with no quality of life and no legal way out is a massive stain on our decency.