Hubby won't compliment me

I loved my ex-wife very much... but towards the end of our five-year marriage, I didn't even want to touch her any more.  I didn't know why and it broke my heart - and hers, too.  I couldn't even tell her that I loved her.  Sex was non-existent almost from the word go.  Partly, I think it was because I had a high sex drive and she could neither initiate nor seem to enjoy it very much.  It was all rather mechanical.  So I lost interest in it.

For years after we split, I struggled to understand it all.  I know now that a lot of it was also to do with cohabitation, which I found difficult.  Even sharing my space with someone I loved left me feeling psychologically displaced.  That could well be a symptom of my autism.  I live alone now and wouldn't want it any other way. 

Have you talked about relationship counselling?  We tried it and it didn't really work for us - mainly, I think, because there was too much dysfunction by that time, and we both really - deep down - wanted it to end.  But it does work for many people.

I'm sorry I can't be more helpful.  Do you think that your ASC has anything to do with it?  I'm not sure it sounds like it.  Your husband sounds more like I am.  Maybe he's just unable to express himself very well for fear of hurting your feelings.  Maybe he's simply gone off sex.  It's horrible when it happens, for both people.  But it happens.

I loved my ex-wife very much... but towards the end of our five-year marriage, I didn't even want to touch her any more.  I didn't know why and it broke my heart - and hers, too.  I couldn't even tell her that I loved her.  Sex was non-existent almost from the word go.  Partly, I think it was because I had a high sex drive and she could neither initiate nor seem to enjoy it very much.  It was all rather mechanical.  So I lost interest in it.

For years after we split, I struggled to understand it all.  I know now that a lot of it was also to do with cohabitation, which I found difficult.  Even sharing my space with someone I loved left me feeling psychologically displaced.  That could well be a symptom of my autism.  I live alone now and wouldn't want it any other way. 

Have you talked about relationship counselling?  We tried it and it didn't really work for us - mainly, I think, because there was too much dysfunction by that time, and we both really - deep down - wanted it to end.  But it does work for many people.

I'm sorry I can't be more helpful.  Do you think that your ASC has anything to do with it?  I'm not sure it sounds like it.  Your husband sounds more like I am.  Maybe he's just unable to express himself very well for fear of hurting your feelings.  Maybe he's simply gone off sex.  It's horrible when it happens, for both people.  But it happens.

We tried relationship counselling some years ago after my daughter was born. It's far too mechanical. That's not for us. It needs to to be when it's right, whenever that will be!

I know he's scared of hurting my feelings. I didn't help when, the odd times at the start of our relationship he tried to initiate sex, I said I was too tired. It wasn't at all a rejection but I know from my own reactions that my feelings can be way over-the-top. I wonder if he felt a strong feeling of rejection but didn't show it in the male/Aspie way. It's quagmire I need to get us out of. I think it's my responsibility to sort this as he doesn't seem to be able to help himself.