Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, I wanted to run something by you as I couldn't find enough info about it and wondered if its just me or...
I struggle as I guess many of us do with social interactions, over the years I have learnt to look at least near someones face when I talk to them and have learnt appropriate responses in conversation that reflect a little of my personality. So I get by although it feels a little like its more just an act and not really me (not anything like how I would be when I picture a conversation in my head)
Where I really come unstuck is what I have been told is called 'processing time', in that if something someone has said is new to me or a surprise, I don't get to give the response I would have liked to when I reflect on the conversation later. Or perhaps a better example would be when I was out with a friend, we were chatting and the tone had changed, I knew something was different and so I wasn't sure how to respond so I stayed quiet, they then apologised for snapping at me some minutes later I said it was fine but it left a weird tension for a while after.
So it takes me actually reflecting when I am on my own after the fact to fully take in what has been said to me, I feel like I miss lots of opportunities and often misrepresent myself, I will often end up feeling quite upset if I don't stop myself replaying the scene and thinking about how I might have made the other person feel.
Does anyone else experience life quite like this? I feel like if I could re-do each day I would be prepared and I could be myself, as it is it just feels like everything ends up a wasted opportunity and I just play out a rehearsed version of myself.
I'm so glad I've come upon this thread, I missed it at the time as I was offline for most of the week but I can identify with everyone's experiences re. needing more processing time than social encounters naturally allow.
It's the thing, for me, that makes social interactions so exhausting and group interactions impossible at times. I've lost count of the times I've replayed conversations to death either trying to work out where it all went wrong or berating myself for what I would have said if I'd had the time to properly process things in the moment.
Unexpected phone conversations are the worst! I've been told that I'm too blunt / rude when I'm the one making phone calls as I get straight to the point after saying "Hello" - but why wouldn't you? My partner asks workmen on the phone "How's things today?" and I could never do that because I wouldn't A) Care and B) Know what to say if they told me.