Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, I wanted to run something by you as I couldn't find enough info about it and wondered if its just me or...
I struggle as I guess many of us do with social interactions, over the years I have learnt to look at least near someones face when I talk to them and have learnt appropriate responses in conversation that reflect a little of my personality. So I get by although it feels a little like its more just an act and not really me (not anything like how I would be when I picture a conversation in my head)
Where I really come unstuck is what I have been told is called 'processing time', in that if something someone has said is new to me or a surprise, I don't get to give the response I would have liked to when I reflect on the conversation later. Or perhaps a better example would be when I was out with a friend, we were chatting and the tone had changed, I knew something was different and so I wasn't sure how to respond so I stayed quiet, they then apologised for snapping at me some minutes later I said it was fine but it left a weird tension for a while after.
So it takes me actually reflecting when I am on my own after the fact to fully take in what has been said to me, I feel like I miss lots of opportunities and often misrepresent myself, I will often end up feeling quite upset if I don't stop myself replaying the scene and thinking about how I might have made the other person feel.
Does anyone else experience life quite like this? I feel like if I could re-do each day I would be prepared and I could be myself, as it is it just feels like everything ends up a wasted opportunity and I just play out a rehearsed version of myself.
I can relate to this, and often wish I had behaved differently when I look back on my day. I struggle with understanding when someone really means what they just said, or whether it was just conversational "padding". For instance, if someone says "How are you?", I used to tell them the truth, whether it was good or bad. But I've seen how sometimes their eyes sort of glaze over. Nowadays I just say "fine, thank you", even if I'm not, because it's much simpler. But I might be missing times when they actually wanted to know.
I think one of my more embarrassing errors was when a woman I'd been on a study course with said, "Feel free to drop round sometime", and I travelled 15 miles to see her, and on my second visit her daughter met me at the door and told me in effect to clear off. She hadn't meant it. But how can you tell, when the words are the same either way?