Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I recently started studying counselling in an attempt to try and be a better person, someone who makes other people feel good and correct whatever it is about me that seems to make me so... I don’t know... undesirable as a companion.
As part of the process you are supposed to contemplate the events in your life that have made you the way you are and in spite of the traumas I’ve experienced I kept coming back to the realisation that I was always like that.
I used to embrace being alienated from everyone and was a bit of a ruthless know it all and now as an adult, a wife and a mother I’m different. I’m always trying my best to be welcoming, sociable and supportive but people still treat me the same. I somehow always get people’s backs up.
I recently heard a women on the radio talking about having autism and I was surprised how “normal” she sounded and the symptoms of her autism didn’t seem odd to me at all.
I’ve done online tests which all come back as having some degree of autism. My husband thought it was ridiculous for me to think I was autistic (me too actually!) but when I read out a list of traits of high functioning autism even he had to admit out of about 25 I clearly had 23 of them. The severe aspects of my personality that he doesn’t understand.
I have booked myself in to see the GP but I’m feeling silly. I’m worried they’ll think I’m just looking for an excuse for not being a nice person. I’m scared they’ll refuse to assess me. I’m also a bit scared of not being autistic after having made a fuss.
I guess I’m hoping that someone else felt the same when faced with the prospect of finding out if they were autistic? What did the GP say?
Yeah, I felt EXACTLY that way! However, this all came after my sudden realisation that I was autistic so there were no real doubts in my mind that I wasn’t autistic but when I started to think about it, it did make me feel a bit silly and wonder if it could be true, and all the other things you mentioned.
However, when I went to see my gp I was very clear in my mind what I wanted, a referral, and I simply told him. I even told him that I was autistic, which didn’t go down too well, lol, but he made the referral anyway. I just had to give him a few examples of why I thought I was autistic so he could write them on the referral form.
Due to over stretched services, and people going to the doctors for all sorts of things a doctor could never be expected to fix, there’s an ongoing internal battle between gp’s and mental health teams/autism teams etc so the doctor just needs to make sure that he has enough information to put on the referral form to almost guarantee it will be accepted. They don’t like to get a rejection because it then comes back to them and they have to either complete another referral form or work out themselves what’s going on for this person and often traits of autism are beyond their training. It’s a specialised area. So they just need to be sure they have enough reasons so the team will accept the referral. When I work for the NHS in mental health teams it is always a battle between accepting and rejecting referrals. Sometimes it gives the team a bit of breathing space because they’re so overstretched and they’re trying to protect their workers and therefore the clients as much as they can but they won’t reject a referral if it has been completed correctly with all the required information.
So just be honest, prepare if you need to and don’t leave his room without a referral being made. Take some handcuffs if needs be ;) I’m joking but I’m serious. It can save time, hassle and heartbreak if you simply do not accept him/her not making a referral.
The whole process was very smooth for me although not internally! Lol! That’s a different matter. But the process of going to the gp to getting the diagnosis was pretty straight forward.
When I went for the initial screening assessment. The psychiatrist said to me that he’s not going to put me on the waiting list (I thought, oh no ). But he said instead he would get his lap top out, there and then and give me his very next appointment. He said the waiting list would take too long. So I actually got my actual appointment time and date given to me at my first meeting.
The guidelines for gp’s to follow are clearly set out by NICE. I’ll get a link for the information for you. But yeah, all of what you’re feeling and thinking, is pretty normal for most of us and it’s often just the start. So buckle up, hang on tight, you could be in for the ride of your life. I have experienced a lot of realisations, I have gained so many answers but of course it comes with a lot of loss and therefore grieving so there has been a lot of darkness as well. But I wouldn’t change a thing. Getting the diagnosis has changed my life in a way I could never have imagined. It’s been probably the best thing to ever happen to me. It gave me back my life and gave me a valid, solid place on this earth. Best of luck.
www.autism.org.uk/.../adults.aspx