Fear of phones?

Me too! I hang up on people before they've finished talking and its lead to arguments. I say bye and dont always remember to wait for their goodbye before I hang up. Talk over people as they talk. Have to write scripts to follow and go through before I talk to the person. Even friends!

Any phonecall needs a lot of planning. And I still end up with very long pauses while I try to work out what to say :p Skype messaging is saving me a lot at the moment when I need to get hold of people at work : ) it's great

I do, I hate having to make calls. I can still put on the "everything's great" act when I'm on the phone, but I absolutely hate it and it can often take me several days to work up to making a call

Me too - I dread a letter from some company requiring me to ring them.  The person I will talk to will be skilled in manipulating me to get money or something out of me - and I'm going into battle unarmed. 

So I delay and delay.

I can't process what they say fast enough to be confident that I'm able to make decisions over the phone.

Yes. Especially if I have to make the call, in which case for me it is - as you said - not knowing if it's a good time for the other person, what mood they might be in, how they might respond. Plus it's very intimate - like having the other person's mouth next to your ear, and there's no-one there to help you out if you get into difficulty (as there would be in a small group).

When I started work 25 years ago, I wandered over to someone's desk and was asking them something technical, and he said "I don't know - Dave in engineering will; let's call him", as he reached for the phone. In my head I was thinking "What? Now? Are you mad? You don't need time to prepare? Think over what you might say? Pluck up courage and plan for possible reactions?" I learned that most people just pick up the phone and call. Sheesh.

It's to do with auditory processing issues. I now avoid phoning, but my pension company wouldn't let me have my money without forcing me to 'listen' to a long phone call, despite listening problems and meltdown whilst on the phone. More than a year later they still refuse to offer a written alternative. Because I couldn't listen properly the contract by phone was probably illegal.  Lots of companies ignore letters or leave phone messages to cal them. Just because we can hear but can't process information we are penalised.

Absolutely hate phones and phonecalls. I can get by at work with using emails sometimes but as a project manager I'm expected to be at the other end of a phone at all times which is very difficult. I used to work in recruitment and would ring people to invite them for interviews. I didn't mind this at all as I was making the calls and i developed my own script to follow. However, my current situation is very different and I dread my phone ringing. As many have said, it's a complete lack of understanding what people are saying to me, being aware of others around me listening to what I'm saying, and not having instant answers. I always have to follow up the phonecall with an email to state my real answers. But I am hopeful of getting better at this, I've only been in the job 4 months. 

Yep, phoneiphobia seems pretty common on this forum.  I never answer my landline phone and keep my mobile facedown with the ring tone turned off.  Not great when you're self employed :-/  I have programmed all my devices - iPad, phone PC etc to never get notifications from social media either and to be honest I don't even know why.  It's just an over riding anxiety. Email rules! 

(Oh yeah.....feeling your pain......best of luck with it and the upcoming diagnosis).

juteweaver said:

Does anyone else have a horror of talking on the phone? I have hated using the phone since I was a child, although it is hard to pin down exactly why I dislike it so much. I think my main difficulty is 'reading' how a conversation is going when I can't see the other person. I pause for too long, or jump in too soon, or struggle to pick up crucial info from their tone - is this a bad time to call? am I making myself clear?

I am currently going through a work-related nightmare scenario where I have been asked to make loads of phone calls - in a situation I have always previously handled by email - and I feel stressed and anxious about all the time: anticipating the calls, making the calls, reflecting on the calls. It is supposed to be making everyone feel encouraged, but if any of the hapless recipients are like me they will be thoroughly put off!

I have always thought this was just a random failure on my part, but now I am wondering whether it is integral to my nature.

Yep count me in on this one, like you say it's hard to understand why - always make my wife answer the phone at home.

Fear of appearing stupid, fear of rejection maybe but the fear is real that's for sure.

I have difficulty separating background noise so always go into a quiet room to use the phone & use speaker option on my mobile which helps a bit

I hate phones, occasionally, I can get in to the act and get the flow of the conversation running. I have really anxious wait this weekend for an ebay seller, who only wants to use the phone. It is to buy a music keyboard. I really hate these people, keep pushing to speak on the phone, when you do it all seems a bit pointless, and why they couldn't have just let me know by email.

Had a row with my Dad over the telephone earlier tonight, again he insisted I phone him, He called shortly after I got home after a long and stressful week. He is selling a house and used an estate agent for fixed fee to be paid up front, which he paid. He spoke to the agent, and he has switched to his standard percentage rate, I said I feel the money you paid up front should be paid back.Seemed to have sparked some angry feelings,

I wanted to wind down and relax this weekend as best as I could

ProtectorOfTheSmall said:

I've always been terrible on the phone. I don't know why it confuses me so much, but even relatives ask me 'are you still there?' sometimes! I either seem to be interrupting them or standing nodding silently like an idiot. And that's with people i actually know. I'm usually far too anxious to pick up or make a call to anyone else.

I am exactly the same!

I've always been terrible on the phone. I don't know why it confuses me so much, but even relatives ask me 'are you still there?' sometimes! I either seem to be interrupting them or standing nodding silently like an idiot. And that's with people i actually know. I'm usually far too anxious to pick up or make a call to anyone else.

Thanks for your insight. Never thought of it that way. I can't believe how monumentally bad I am now. That's probably logical though. God, I'm bad on a phone though!

It sounds like you've had a lot of workplace stress, so maybe it's that you associate using phones with those bad periods of your life. Just a guess.

I hate using the phone if I don't know someone. Ironically like yourself I used to constantly have to use the phone at work. I had several jobs where I had to use the phone. It actually made me spiral into addiction. I'd worked in construction, been a welder, worked in distribution centres and I wasn't too anxious. I was relatively sober before I worked in an office environment with phones, flourescent lights and too much noise to deal with.

Reflecting on the calls was a major part of it all. I used to work face-to-face too. I just couldn't separate myself from anything. I used to work in rehabilitating drug addicts (ironically I had a massive problem myself) for a time and it was awful, some of my co-workers attitudes towards the people was awful and some of the addicts attitudes towards life and society was awful. That job ended in a freak out and a fracas with a co-worker who basically left a guy who was trying homeless. I worked in fraud investigation and some of the cases were hard to stay neutral in. I did but the reflection was terrible. I was great at the job too but I ended up a total wreck. Time went on and I walked out on my job after being forced towards a promotion. I had a breakdown shortly after and have had some nasty addiction and anxiety issues. I'm sober now though but still have some mental health issues. It all lead to my diagnosis though.

Since I had my breakdown I can't do phones unless I absolutely have to. It's like I used it all up. I don't know if it's the Autism, life without a chemical crutch or my anxiety. I know this is an old post but I'm just trying to figure out why I'm so bad on the phone now. If anyone has any idea, I'd sure like some input!

The same thing again.

Taltunes said:

Ditto

What does it mean?

Ditto

ProtectorOfTheSmall said:

I hate having to either make a call to someone i don't know or pick up when i don't know who it is. I'm even awkward talking to people i know really well. I struggle with timings the same as you, when is it my turn, how much should i say in one go, how to start, how to end etc. Waiting for a call leaves me very anxious as i don't know when i will have to deal with it. I've been told that i sound very monotone on the phone. I suppose that's because i'm concentrating! I have avoided making some calls entirely. If i can email i will do, because that gives me time to think. I'm not good with on the spot thinking.

I am the same!

One of my former neighbors is this expert time stealer.

During the day she cornered people in their gardens when they were busy.  And she could go on and on and on and on. With just routine gossip and small talk for two hours.  By the time she left I ( and other people) was to tired to do anything and often it was getting to dark too continue the gardening.

Later after I moved, I discovered that in the evenings she phoned people with the same gossip and small talk.  And she made 2 hour phone calls routinely.  

Often in the evenings I was busy, cooking, eating, watching TV, having a bath.  And she phones !!!!!! I'm running the bath water, and she phones and the call goes on and on and on ........ All small talk and gossip , same as last week's call.

Nightmare talking with her.