Fear of phones?

Me too! I hang up on people before they've finished talking and its lead to arguments. I say bye and dont always remember to wait for their goodbye before I hang up. Talk over people as they talk. Have to write scripts to follow and go through before I talk to the person. Even friends!

I do, I hate having to make calls. I can still put on the "everything's great" act when I'm on the phone, but I absolutely hate it and it can often take me several days to work up to making a call

Me too - I dread a letter from some company requiring me to ring them.  The person I will talk to will be skilled in manipulating me to get money or something out of me - and I'm going into battle unarmed. 

So I delay and delay.

I can't process what they say fast enough to be confident that I'm able to make decisions over the phone.

Yes. Especially if I have to make the call, in which case for me it is - as you said - not knowing if it's a good time for the other person, what mood they might be in, how they might respond. Plus it's very intimate - like having the other person's mouth next to your ear, and there's no-one there to help you out if you get into difficulty (as there would be in a small group).

When I started work 25 years ago, I wandered over to someone's desk and was asking them something technical, and he said "I don't know - Dave in engineering will; let's call him", as he reached for the phone. In my head I was thinking "What? Now? Are you mad? You don't need time to prepare? Think over what you might say? Pluck up courage and plan for possible reactions?" I learned that most people just pick up the phone and call. Sheesh.

It's to do with auditory processing issues. I now avoid phoning, but my pension company wouldn't let me have my money without forcing me to 'listen' to a long phone call, despite listening problems and meltdown whilst on the phone. More than a year later they still refuse to offer a written alternative. Because I couldn't listen properly the contract by phone was probably illegal.  Lots of companies ignore letters or leave phone messages to cal them. Just because we can hear but can't process information we are penalised.

Yep, phoneiphobia seems pretty common on this forum.  I never answer my landline phone and keep my mobile facedown with the ring tone turned off.  Not great when you're self employed :-/  I have programmed all my devices - iPad, phone PC etc to never get notifications from social media either and to be honest I don't even know why.  It's just an over riding anxiety. Email rules! 

(Oh yeah.....feeling your pain......best of luck with it and the upcoming diagnosis).

juteweaver said:

Does anyone else have a horror of talking on the phone? I have hated using the phone since I was a child, although it is hard to pin down exactly why I dislike it so much. I think my main difficulty is 'reading' how a conversation is going when I can't see the other person. I pause for too long, or jump in too soon, or struggle to pick up crucial info from their tone - is this a bad time to call? am I making myself clear?

I am currently going through a work-related nightmare scenario where I have been asked to make loads of phone calls - in a situation I have always previously handled by email - and I feel stressed and anxious about all the time: anticipating the calls, making the calls, reflecting on the calls. It is supposed to be making everyone feel encouraged, but if any of the hapless recipients are like me they will be thoroughly put off!

I have always thought this was just a random failure on my part, but now I am wondering whether it is integral to my nature.

Yep count me in on this one, like you say it's hard to understand why - always make my wife answer the phone at home.

Fear of appearing stupid, fear of rejection maybe but the fear is real that's for sure.

I have difficulty separating background noise so always go into a quiet room to use the phone & use speaker option on my mobile which helps a bit

I hate phones, occasionally, I can get in to the act and get the flow of the conversation running. I have really anxious wait this weekend for an ebay seller, who only wants to use the phone. It is to buy a music keyboard. I really hate these people, keep pushing to speak on the phone, when you do it all seems a bit pointless, and why they couldn't have just let me know by email.

Had a row with my Dad over the telephone earlier tonight, again he insisted I phone him, He called shortly after I got home after a long and stressful week. He is selling a house and used an estate agent for fixed fee to be paid up front, which he paid. He spoke to the agent, and he has switched to his standard percentage rate, I said I feel the money you paid up front should be paid back.Seemed to have sparked some angry feelings,

I wanted to wind down and relax this weekend as best as I could

I hate using the phone if I don't know someone. Ironically like yourself I used to constantly have to use the phone at work. I had several jobs where I had to use the phone. It actually made me spiral into addiction. I'd worked in construction, been a welder, worked in distribution centres and I wasn't too anxious. I was relatively sober before I worked in an office environment with phones, flourescent lights and too much noise to deal with.

Reflecting on the calls was a major part of it all. I used to work face-to-face too. I just couldn't separate myself from anything. I used to work in rehabilitating drug addicts (ironically I had a massive problem myself) for a time and it was awful, some of my co-workers attitudes towards the people was awful and some of the addicts attitudes towards life and society was awful. That job ended in a freak out and a fracas with a co-worker who basically left a guy who was trying homeless. I worked in fraud investigation and some of the cases were hard to stay neutral in. I did but the reflection was terrible. I was great at the job too but I ended up a total wreck. Time went on and I walked out on my job after being forced towards a promotion. I had a breakdown shortly after and have had some nasty addiction and anxiety issues. I'm sober now though but still have some mental health issues. It all lead to my diagnosis though.

Since I had my breakdown I can't do phones unless I absolutely have to. It's like I used it all up. I don't know if it's the Autism, life without a chemical crutch or my anxiety. I know this is an old post but I'm just trying to figure out why I'm so bad on the phone now. If anyone has any idea, I'd sure like some input!

One of my former neighbors is this expert time stealer.

During the day she cornered people in their gardens when they were busy.  And she could go on and on and on and on. With just routine gossip and small talk for two hours.  By the time she left I ( and other people) was to tired to do anything and often it was getting to dark too continue the gardening.

Later after I moved, I discovered that in the evenings she phoned people with the same gossip and small talk.  And she made 2 hour phone calls routinely.  

Often in the evenings I was busy, cooking, eating, watching TV, having a bath.  And she phones !!!!!! I'm running the bath water, and she phones and the call goes on and on and on ........ All small talk and gossip , same as last week's call.

Nightmare talking with her.

That's so true Robert! It's the equivalent of when someone corners you and starts talking at you and you don't know how to get away so you end up listening to a load of complete drivel for half an hour, when really you had something else you wanted to be doing. Except maybe it's even easier to 'corner' you on the phone, because as soon as you have picked up, you're stuck.

My mum complains a bit that I don't phone her, but it really wouldn't occur to me unless I had something specific to say. Small talk is lost on me (the making of and listening to) so I would never ring someone just to chat. I would not know what to say.

One of my former bosses also hated phones.  He was very abrupt on the phone.  Just said the business and ended the call.

He called phones and people who enjoy talking on them, time stealers. 

He explained to me that some people enjoy phoning and then they drag conversations out.  This is time stealing.  You want to do something with your time.  But a phone rings and interrupts you and the person on the phone steals your time by talking endlessly on and on.  In effect your time is stolen by that person.

I fear phone calls if I don't already know what they're about. At work I've told people that if I don't know why they're ringing I'm unlikely to answer the call so if they do need me to leave a voicemail and I'll get back to them.

I don't really fear phones. Just fear answering a phone.  I often go into a panic when it rings, who is it? What do they want

I often go out shopping without a phone.  Why would I need a phone with me when I'm just going for an hour around streets I know by heart?

I use my phone for other purposes: web browsing, this website, GPS mapping software.

Voice calls I dislike.  It's difficult to get things done on a phone. A few years ago a friend try to call a taxi from my flat. The taxi firm refused to come.  They claimed my postcode did not exist.

Urgh, yes, though to be honest I am not sure that NHS 111 wouldn’t tip anyone over the edge. Once when I was away from home I became seriously ill - though I didn’t initially know it was serious - and called to find out what I should do. I was in a city in northern England but because I couldn’t give them a postcode for the B&B I was in, they couldn’t process my location. They kept telling me to report to a hospital in an entirely different city in an entirely different part of northern England!! No thanks to them that I survived to tell the tale...

Thank you for the reply!

I must say that I am also selfishly quite glad that I am not the only one!

I think it is normal! I love e-mails. I can also handle SMS.

I also wish I had known that earlier. I tried so hard to fit in. That caused me extreme stress and anxiety. I was simply damaging my mental and physical health.

Now I say that ''I don't do phones''.

I am much happier. Although, sometimes I cannot achieve something, but I cannot achieve everything anyway.

What matters the most is to be happy.

A big problem is emergencies as I cannot call and I do not know what to do with them.

Once, before, I discovered that I am autistic and what that means, I called to the NHS's 111. OMG, that was an absolute disaster. I almost got a nervous breakdown. That was a horrible experience.

I'm sorry to hear that, though selfishly quite glad that I am not the only one! I am getting the impression from this thread that fear of phones is 'normal' for me. I wish I had known that. I think I could perhaps be bolder about saying 'no, I don't do phones'.

Thanks! You're right: practice is the key. Funnily enough I have just been dealing with a family emergency - not a major one and not close family, so a bit of adrenaline pumping but brain working reasonably well! - and with that energy propelling me, I had no difficulty picking up the phone and calling a complete stranger at the other end of the country.

My mother's consistent grumble about my not answering the phone is that 'it might be an emergency' to which my stock response is 'if it is an emergency, call 999. The hospital will call me'. I think she thinks I'm joking...

I have got a horror of talking on the phone.

I hate them with a passion.

I have always hated making and receiving phone calls.

I have a terrible fear of using the phone.

Hi juteweaver,

I used to have a terrible fear of using the phone until I was put in a situation during my first job in a small shop, where I had to answer the phone.  As much as I panicked and probably made a fool of myself, it forced me to practice and get better at taking phone calls.  That doesn't mean I like them though.  I still hate taking unexpected phone calls and will often put non-scheduled calls through to my voicemail at work.  If it is urgent, then they will leave a message.  This also applies to my mother, much to her despair.

I am better at handling calls that are scheduled, so I know when to expect them, which is the route you seem to be taking.  One thing I haven't mastered is knowing when to speak and I often talk over people or leave top bigger gaps in the conversation.  Best thing to do is accept you may never be perfect at it, but you can practice to a point that the anxiety is mostly removed and you are able to handle the calls at least.  Try pacing your calls out as well if you can, as taking one call after the next is tasking for anyone!  Good luck!