Fear of phones?

That's so true Robert! It's the equivalent of when someone corners you and starts talking at you and you don't know how to get away so you end up listening to a load of complete drivel for half an hour, when really you had something else you wanted to be doing. Except maybe it's even easier to 'corner' you on the phone, because as soon as you have picked up, you're stuck.

My mum complains a bit that I don't phone her, but it really wouldn't occur to me unless I had something specific to say. Small talk is lost on me (the making of and listening to) so I would never ring someone just to chat. I would not know what to say.

One of my former bosses also hated phones.  He was very abrupt on the phone.  Just said the business and ended the call.

He called phones and people who enjoy talking on them, time stealers. 

He explained to me that some people enjoy phoning and then they drag conversations out.  This is time stealing.  You want to do something with your time.  But a phone rings and interrupts you and the person on the phone steals your time by talking endlessly on and on.  In effect your time is stolen by that person.

Pff tell that to my neighbour. She will ring, then if I don't pick up, ring again 5 mins later .... then 5 mins after that. I hate it - it is like someone invading my home uninvited. I don't answer on principle. So yes, I totally  agree with the sentiment of someone walking in uninvited! 

No worries haha - that's what this forum is all about! Of course, having that conversation with your manager is difficult, but compared to the daily discomfort you experience at your job, it's a small price to pay for happiness!x

I hate using the phone as well.   I read in a magazine that someone calling you on the phone is an invitation for you to answer, not a command to answer, and I try to remember this . When it rings I feel like it is someone walking into my house uninvited.  I disabled my voice mail because I hated it even more if people left messages for me.   The only times I answer the phone are when my mum or my husband rings or if I am expecting someone to ring - if I am waiting for the garage to phone about my MOT for example.,   I don't understand how people can chat for hours on the phone.

Well no wonder you don't trust or like phones, those are horrible experiences from what sound like horrible people! I didn't mean to make light of the issue as I know many people do have a much greater fear than mine and for very good reasons from what I've read here.

I've never had phone experiences like those but I just somehow can't function properly on the phone and become confused easily even in short conversations which makes me feel embarrassed and frustrated.  

My fear of phones comes from bad experiences of phone calls from people who use phones to take advantage of me and make my life a living hell.  Two people in particular.

First the narcissistic I discussed last week.

She used to ring, just long enough to get my attention then stop before I got a chance to answer.  And get me to call her back out of curiosity. Then she kept me talking on an international call until all my 'pay as you go ' credit was exhausted.

Then one of my previous neighbors who enjoyed making 2 hour repetitive calls who bored me half to death.  And kept on ringing constantly complaining that I didn't ring her often enough.  This tale is a lot longer and complex then what I've written here !!!!!

Reading your post reminded me of one of my worst phone calls (and that I too need time to think before using the phone).

I'd had SEVERAL calls in a row from various family members and was becoming harassed and woolly-headed with the constant changes of focus, when suddenly a tradesman phoned to arrange a date for a home repair - I went into woolly-headed autopilot and said, "Oh...Yes, that's fine...Yes, that's perfect ...Okay, Bye, Love You!"

I just made sure I wasn't at home when he arrived the next day. Blushing and cringing right now thinking about it.   

Thanks! I am just over a third of the way through and am still standing, which is something.

I hate having to either make a call to someone i don't know or pick up when i don't know who it is. I'm even awkward talking to people i know really well. I struggle with timings the same as you, when is it my turn, how much should i say in one go, how to start, how to end etc. Waiting for a call leaves me very anxious as i don't know when i will have to deal with it. I've been told that i sound very monotone on the phone. I suppose that's because i'm concentrating! I have avoided making some calls entirely. If i can email i will do, because that gives me time to think. I'm not good with on the spot thinking. Good luck with your work task, i know i would find that very difficult.

Thanks RSxo. I think you have crystallised the dilemma for me. Of course, I should tell my manager this, so why didn't I? I have been trading off in my head the two discomforts - the discomfort of phoning vs the discomfort of the Difficult Conversation and its consequences. When the phone calls were still a few weeks off, I was able to minimise the future discomfort in my head and tell myself that the conversation with my boss was too awkward. Now I am experiencing the pain of the phoning discomfort and realise I made a misjudgement! Not that the conversation wouldn't be awkward, but it looks a lot less 'relatively awkward' from here. Next time I will come to this group for advice first :-)

Hi juteweaver,

Have you told your manager that you find phone calls very difficult to handle? Don't feel forced to do something that causes you stress - if your manager is good, then they will know that they need to get the best of their workers, and that means placing them in the roles that they perform best in!x

Much love <3

I fear phone calls if I don't already know what they're about. At work I've told people that if I don't know why they're ringing I'm unlikely to answer the call so if they do need me to leave a voicemail and I'll get back to them.

I don't really fear phones. Just fear answering a phone.  I often go into a panic when it rings, who is it? What do they want

I often go out shopping without a phone.  Why would I need a phone with me when I'm just going for an hour around streets I know by heart?

I use my phone for other purposes: web browsing, this website, GPS mapping software.

Voice calls I dislike.  It's difficult to get things done on a phone. A few years ago a friend try to call a taxi from my flat. The taxi firm refused to come.  They claimed my postcode did not exist.

Urgh, yes, though to be honest I am not sure that NHS 111 wouldn’t tip anyone over the edge. Once when I was away from home I became seriously ill - though I didn’t initially know it was serious - and called to find out what I should do. I was in a city in northern England but because I couldn’t give them a postcode for the B&B I was in, they couldn’t process my location. They kept telling me to report to a hospital in an entirely different city in an entirely different part of northern England!! No thanks to them that I survived to tell the tale...

Thank you for the reply!

I must say that I am also selfishly quite glad that I am not the only one!

I think it is normal! I love e-mails. I can also handle SMS.

I also wish I had known that earlier. I tried so hard to fit in. That caused me extreme stress and anxiety. I was simply damaging my mental and physical health.

Now I say that ''I don't do phones''.

I am much happier. Although, sometimes I cannot achieve something, but I cannot achieve everything anyway.

What matters the most is to be happy.

A big problem is emergencies as I cannot call and I do not know what to do with them.

Once, before, I discovered that I am autistic and what that means, I called to the NHS's 111. OMG, that was an absolute disaster. I almost got a nervous breakdown. That was a horrible experience.

I'm sorry to hear that, though selfishly quite glad that I am not the only one! I am getting the impression from this thread that fear of phones is 'normal' for me. I wish I had known that. I think I could perhaps be bolder about saying 'no, I don't do phones'.

Thanks! You're right: practice is the key. Funnily enough I have just been dealing with a family emergency - not a major one and not close family, so a bit of adrenaline pumping but brain working reasonably well! - and with that energy propelling me, I had no difficulty picking up the phone and calling a complete stranger at the other end of the country.

My mother's consistent grumble about my not answering the phone is that 'it might be an emergency' to which my stock response is 'if it is an emergency, call 999. The hospital will call me'. I think she thinks I'm joking...

I have got a horror of talking on the phone.

I hate them with a passion.

I have always hated making and receiving phone calls.

I have a terrible fear of using the phone.

Hi juteweaver,

I used to have a terrible fear of using the phone until I was put in a situation during my first job in a small shop, where I had to answer the phone.  As much as I panicked and probably made a fool of myself, it forced me to practice and get better at taking phone calls.  That doesn't mean I like them though.  I still hate taking unexpected phone calls and will often put non-scheduled calls through to my voicemail at work.  If it is urgent, then they will leave a message.  This also applies to my mother, much to her despair.

I am better at handling calls that are scheduled, so I know when to expect them, which is the route you seem to be taking.  One thing I haven't mastered is knowing when to speak and I often talk over people or leave top bigger gaps in the conversation.  Best thing to do is accept you may never be perfect at it, but you can practice to a point that the anxiety is mostly removed and you are able to handle the calls at least.  Try pacing your calls out as well if you can, as taking one call after the next is tasking for anyone!  Good luck!