Published on 12, July, 2020
Does anyone else have a horror of talking on the phone? I have hated using the phone since I was a child, although it is hard to pin down exactly why I dislike it so much. I think my main difficulty is 'reading' how a conversation is going when I can't see the other person. I pause for too long, or jump in too soon, or struggle to pick up crucial info from their tone - is this a bad time to call? am I making myself clear?
I am currently going through a work-related nightmare scenario where I have been asked to make loads of phone calls - in a situation I have always previously handled by email - and I feel stressed and anxious about all the time: anticipating the calls, making the calls, reflecting on the calls. It is supposed to be making everyone feel encouraged, but if any of the hapless recipients are like me they will be thoroughly put off!
I have always thought this was just a random failure on my part, but now I am wondering whether it is integral to my nature.
I hate having to either make a call to someone i don't know or pick up when i don't know who it is. I'm even awkward talking to people i know really well. I struggle with timings the same as you, when is it my turn, how much should i say in one go, how to start, how to end etc. Waiting for a call leaves me very anxious as i don't know when i will have to deal with it. I've been told that i sound very monotone on the phone. I suppose that's because i'm concentrating! I have avoided making some calls entirely. If i can email i will do, because that gives me time to think. I'm not good with on the spot thinking. Good luck with your work task, i know i would find that very difficult.
Reading your post reminded me of one of my worst phone calls (and that I too need time to think before using the phone).
I'd had SEVERAL calls in a row from various family members and was becoming harassed and woolly-headed with the constant changes of focus, when suddenly a tradesman phoned to arrange a date for a home repair - I went into woolly-headed autopilot and said, "Oh...Yes, that's fine...Yes, that's perfect ...Okay, Bye, Love You!"
I just made sure I wasn't at home when he arrived the next day. Blushing and cringing right now thinking about it.
Well no wonder you don't trust or like phones, those are horrible experiences from what sound like horrible people! I didn't mean to make light of the issue as I know many people do have a much greater fear than mine and for very good reasons from what I've read here.
I've never had phone experiences like those but I just somehow can't function properly on the phone and become confused easily even in short conversations which makes me feel embarrassed and frustrated.
My fear of phones comes from bad experiences of phone calls from people who use phones to take advantage of me and make my life a living hell. Two people in particular.
First the narcissistic I discussed last week.
She used to ring, just long enough to get my attention then stop before I got a chance to answer. And get me to call her back out of curiosity. Then she kept me talking on an international call until all my 'pay as you go ' credit was exhausted.
Then one of my previous neighbors who enjoyed making 2 hour repetitive calls who bored me half to death. And kept on ringing constantly complaining that I didn't ring her often enough. This tale is a lot longer and complex then what I've written here !!!!!