Published on 12, July, 2020
Hey everyone!
I know this is a common question, and I found many threads on this forums (as well as blog posts somewhere else about it), but I feel like they don't fully address preoccupation. Ideally I would like to have a chat with someone who's gone through this, but I find it difficult to attend local groups, specially in this state of uncertainty. If anyone wants to have a chat, here or on any other platform, I'd be more than happy to.
I have joked about being on the spectrum since I was young because of my attention to detail, my analytical skills and my somewhat lacking social skills. I never took it seriously because I was highly functional and I didn't have any of the well-known traits such as stimming or fixation with certain words. Now, as an adult (35yo), I'm starting to feel certain blocks in my life, specially dealing with social situations, and looking back at my life there are many things that can be explained really well by Asperger's or HF Autism. From small things like being fussy with food because of the texture, to massive things such as mental health issues like depression and obsessive compulsive personality disorder (OCPD).
The reason I would like to be diagnosed is to find help in overcoming my limitations. It helped in the past with depression and OCPD. Just knowing how they worked allowed me to find ways of coping with them, to the point that I wouldn't say I'm OCPD anymore (except for maybe some minor things) and my episodes of depression are now very short (a couple of days) and very far apart (can't remember when was the last one). If I can learn how ASD works in my own head, I would be able to find ways of going around it.
What is holding me back is that I don't like the idea of being labelled. It's not so much a matter of stigma, although that's part of it, but the fear that it will change my perception of myself and how others perceive me. I have always fought against being boxed. I don't like when people just accept (or not) something you do or say just because of some label, and it's something I experienced a lot with other labels I carried.
But my biggest fear is using that label to justify my limitations, or even start developing some traits because now "it's official". I know it's irrational, that just the label will not change who I am. I proved myself and others in the past that it's not your skills/talents, but what you do with them. I've done things I have never imagined I could do, so I should expect to be able to get over this as well. But the fear is there. I don't want to end up saying "sorry for my lack of filter, but I'm on the spectrum".
So I'm tempted to not give it a name and dealing with these blocks in my life as I've done before: Learn to be more compassionate towards my limitations and finding ways around them. Other than giving it a name, are there any other benefits from a formal diagnosis?
Thank you for reading :)
Hi @Indecisive,
I think that it might help looking at it from another viewpoint. We are all labelled in society one way or another, so being labelled "autistic" isn't really a big issue in my opinion, it's just another label to add to our collection!
The truth is, whether you are diagnosed or not, you do experience the same issues, so putting a name to that situation doesn't change who you are - it's just providing you a way of recognising what it is, and more importantly, what you can do to make it better.
As for justifying limitations, I think it's okay to admit that you aren't able to do some things, or that particular things stop you performing at your best - it's in everyone's best interest that you reach your potential, particularly in the workplace, so don't let that stop you from achieving your potential.
I'm currently in the process of diagnosis, so I can't answer the last question. But from talking with others, people find that a diagnosis provides them with an answer. It gives them a feeling of liberation, that lifts the air of uncertainty. It helps them come to terms with who they are, and makes them feel more comfortable in their own skin. And most importantly, they feel happier knowing that they can embrace this new-found part of them!x
Much love <3
Thank you for your response, RSxo. I will write a longer response to the thread below, addressing many of this things, but I wanted to say that my problem was mostly understanding what all this is all about. We all carry many labels with us throughout our lives, but not all labels are the same. Some are heavier than others, and when all the conversation about ASD and Asperger's is about how it is a disability and how people on the spectrum have the inability to understand the world around them, I think this is one of the heavy labels. In the last couple of days I had some time to ponder all I've learned with all the responses here, and now I see things a bit differently. I'll go in more detail below.