Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello. I would like to know how to cope with my friend with Asperger’s.
We were good friends. However, the more we become close, the more we argue. I think this is because that we do not understand to each other. Or I should rather say thay it is so hard for me to understand her way of thinking or perceptions....(she says she understands me but she does not sadly...)
We both had tough times last year. We were so stressed out in own issues. I do admit that I was sometimes nasty and horrible to her. I am shamed to say that I have shouted at her so many times. If I am allowed to excuse for it, this was because I was just not be able to put up with her extreme negativity and strong obsession with wanting to tell her favourite things which I do not like to hear and to correct the meaning of the words I used (my mother language is not English) during having important discussions and/or everyday conversations.
Since she was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, for me, she now excuses everything that she cannot do or change because of having Asperger’s. It really does not work for me... She has said to me once that I am neurotypical that is why I do not understand her. It may be true but sounded really cold and I felt a big barrier between us.
She found a kind of soul mate who has also Asperger’s in SNS. She is very happy and it makes her strong. She said to me that that person really understood her and made her feel very comfortable. I felt very jealous and was not happy at all because I am suffering from not being able to understand her as a real life friend exchanging many private and life issues but she admires her virtual friend....
I almost decided to end up our friendship because I do not know how to manage my emotions with her. I do not want to but I do become short tempered. Also, she believes in what her SNS friend says and telephone Asperger’s psychiatrist advice only now. She ignores my calls eventually. That is actually psychiatrist’s advice because I shout at her...My close friends advise me to finish this friendship because of wasting time...I really liked her and thought that I could make a great friendship with her though.....I do not know why our friendship became so bad...
Could anyone kindly tell me how to cope with this situations and a friend with Asperger’s, please?
Meh
I should not mention too much about her actual behaviours because it is kind of confidentiality. However, I am not the only one to shout....
Thank you for making me feel guilty.
Hi NAS36152 please don’t think that NAS35494 is speaking for me here, I found you to be understanding in that you are trying to find a way to continue what you consider a friendship worth keeping. I think your ND friend is lucky you haven’t walked away long ago. Most ND have felt the pain of rejection by lack of understanding from partners or friends who are NT.
I see you as someone who had a great affection for your friend, and tried to sort out your differences, then along came the formal diagnosis and that is a massive thing to overcome, it creates ups and downs, uncertainty, frustration, anger, sadness at a life that could have been so different with understanding and support.
She may need support one day, I feel you may be the one she turns to when she settles down and finds out who she really is, or she may not change her attitude towards you,
Basically I am sorry you think we are all difficult to understand, we are not all cold uncaring individuals, I think you will find most are kind, we try to help, we question many things, we are tolerant, yes we can be angry if our life has been one long string of abuse or denial from the so called civilised NT masses,
I want to say you did what you thought you could to help your friend, no one asked you to come here looking for answers, you did it to try and stay friends with her,
I have no NT friends as they all walk away as I am not quite what they want, I wish one had stayed to understand me as it tore me apart when they just walked away with no apparent feelings,
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